


The Way That We Are

by LateNightConversations



Category: Cowboy Bebop
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2640149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateNightConversations/pseuds/LateNightConversations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Series....Months after Spike and Faye learn to be open with each other, they soon find that nothing can be perfect, and nothing is certainly ever easy. Some things are worth fighting for, but sometimes its best to go your separate ways. Will they ever figure out how to be happy with each other, or does happiness lie somewhere else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slow it Down

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to "If Only By The Night"

Ice cubes clinked as they swirled around in depths of bitter-sweet amber relaxation. A soulful blues tune played softly in the background. Jet Black sighed happily to himself as he kicked his feet up on the coffee table from his perch on the beat up mustard couch of the Bebop.

Relaxation and self preservation were something seldom found on the old fishing ship, and he was going to enjoy it for all that it was. The only other sound in the room was the soft tapping of a keyboard as Ed did god only knows what on her computer, and the soft snoring of Ein, curled up on the floor. Lighting up a cigar, Jet took a healthy puff. _Now this was the life._

In the three month since Spike and Faye had become an item, things were a lot more quiet, and a lot more awkward. Their fights were far and few between, save for a few barbs exchanged here and there, never anything beyond trying to get a rise out of each other.

But the awkwardness was something Jet had yet to wrap his brain around. The occasional exchange of “I love you” and the sparse kisses here and there, had the older man feeling a bit like a voyeur. Taking another sip of his scotch, Jet let his balding head lean back against the couch, reveling in his current personal oasis. Unfortunately as the old adage goes, nothing gold can stay. As if on cue, the sound of the main hatch opening, accompanied by muffled yelling, soon met his ears. It didn’t take a genius to recognize who the voices belonged too, especially as they entered the common room.

“No! This is your fault! If you hadn’t been staring at that server's ass he wouldn’t have gotten away! Do you ever think with anything besides your dick!?”

“Oh come off it Faye! If you hadn’t been trying to get another drink you would have seen him leave!”

Jet set his scotch down, as he watched Spike and Faye enter the room, seemingly oblivious to his presence as they continued their argument, standing right in front of him. From what he had gathered, they had lost the bounty.

“How is that my fault!? You are mister big shot bounty hunter. You should have been paying attention to him, not some slutty waitress!”

“Wow….is someone jealous Faye?”

The two of them headed down the hall way still yelling at one another, Jet heard the door to Spike’s room slam shut, though it appeared that both of them had entered. Downing the rest of his glass, Jet set it down on the table, still able to hear muffled yelling. He had about enough of this, if there was one thing worse than listening to Spike and Faye fight, it was having the misfortune of being with in ear shot when they decided to make up. Groaning, Jet got up and headed for his room.

* * *

 

Loosening his tie, Spike began to unbutton his shirt, sitting down on the edge the bed. “Seriously Faye, I mean were both at fucking fault if you really think about it.”

Faye stood across from him, arms crossed at her chest. She didn’t feel like listening to his reasoning at the moment. “ I was trying to keep an eye on the bounty, I mean shit, we need money, but you’d rather ogle at some brain dead bar whore…I mean seriously Spike….”

At this point Spike had tuned out Faye, just letting her run her mouth and vent out her anger. Spike felt that if he had really been listening to her, he might have been half tempted to reach out and slap her. Removing his shirt, Spike sighed leaning against the wall, rubbing his temples. “God damn Faye, could you just shut up for a moment. I swear sometimes I think things would be so much easier sometimes if you were more like Ju…l…” Spike had tried to stop himself from finishing his sentence, but the damage was done. He immediately regretted his words.

Faye stopped her ranting, staring blankly at Spike, her mouth slightly agape. “Be more like who? Julia?!….So that’s how it is? I see what this is now…”

“Faye…I didn’t meant it like that.”

Faye leaned back against the door. “No….I am pretty sure I know what you meant. I should have known this was too good to be true. I shouldn’t have been stupid enough to think that I wasn’t just a replacement. A replacement that couldn’t live up to a standard of perfection…Jesus I am so stupid.”

Spike got up off the bed, standing at the edge, not sure what to do with himself. “Faye….really that’s not what I meant…I mean I know what I said but…. Besides, she wasn’t perfect…..”

Faye immediately cut him off, her emerald eyes clouded with anger. “Your just digging yourself deeper. I know what you meant Spike.” Sighing heavily, she found rational thought to be all but elusive. “ I mean maybe I should dye my hair blonde. Would you like that?….And maybe fuck Jet just for good measure. Then perhaps I could live up to the bar set by that whore.” Faye knew that Julia wasn’t really much of a whore….more like a woman who was stuck between a rock and a hard place, but at this point she was hurt, and wanted to return the same pain to Spike with her words. “Oh…wait, I forgot, she was fucking perfect, at least compared to me, I am the whore….or at least according to you , is that right Spike?”

Spike cringed slightly. He had to admit, he had called her a whore on a few occasions during a fight, though he knew that was far from the truth. Closing in on her, he gripped her shoulders. “Could you just shut the fuck up for a minute!” Locking his eyes on hers for a split second, he threw caution to the wind leaning down, kissing her hard, pressing his body against her.

Faye shoved him back, slapping him across the face, with a solid connection of palm against cheek. “Get the fuck off me Spike!” Her hands were clenched so tightly at her sides now that they almost trembled. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, this is all wrong. We can’t be together, not now, not ever. We’re just too damn dysfunctional for a relationship.”

Reaching a hand out to rest on her shoulder, Spike quickly pulled it back as an after thought. “Come on Faye, you don’t mean that. Don’t say shit like that.”

“I know what I mean Spike. And obviously you know what you want, and its not me.”

Sighing, Spike shoved his hands in his pockets. “You know that’s a lie Faye. You know I love you.”

Faye closed her eyes and shook her head. “ You don’t have to force yourself Spike. I know its hard to get over someone you love, you don’t have to pretend anymore. I get it. Really I do. That’s why I am going to be the adult here and walk away. I’m done with this, done with this ship, and I am done with you.” Desperately she tried to keep her voice steady as she reached for the door knob.

Spike moved in on her once more. “Seriously Faye…where the hell are you going to go?”

A defiant look flashed in her eyes, as Faye straightened up. “You…You are such an insufferable asshole Spike! Do you really think I need you, or this ship to be happy!?”

What Faye hadn’t told Spike is that a month ago she had received an email from a relative, a second cousin, and only living relative. The woman’s name was Katie, and she was Faye’s cousins daughter on her mothers side. She had invited Faye to come stay with her and her husband, so they could get to know one and another, as each others only remaining relatives. She wasn’t sure why she had kept it a secret from Spike, since they had become much more open with each other, but she had been contemplating it, and this was all the more reason to accept the invite.

Spike clenched his fist at his side. He had never hit a woman before, though Faye was seriously at this point making him strongly reconsider. Reaching past her, he opened the door, his eyes burning with anger. “Get out Faye.”

The cold tone in Spike’s voice was enough of a hint for Faye to make her self scarce. Stepping out through the door, she headed for her own room with out a word, though she was half tempted to lay into him once more.

Slamming his door shut, Spike undressed the rest of the way and flopped angrily on his bed in his boxers.

Blue, who had been hiding under the bed during the heated exchange, jumped on the bed, curling up on top of Spike’s head. Spike was reminded of VT’s cat Zeros for a moment. Maybe it’s a cat thing. Chuckling dryly to himself, Spike reached up to stroke the ever growing kitten’s back. “You’re mom sure can be real bitch buddy.” Flipping off the light, Spike shoved Faye from his thoughts as he slowly drifted into a restless sleep.

* * *

 

The next morning Spike groggily drug himself out of bed. The angry little red numbers on the alarm clock read 9am. In a half awake state he pulled on a pair of sweats and a t shirt. Though he had slept through the night, he was fighting a head ache much like one someone gets from too little sleep. Stumbling out of his room, he sighed heavily, as his fight with Faye quick to invade his slowly waking mind.

After a pit stop at the bath room, he headed down the hall, pausing at Faye’s door, with the intention of trying to apologize once more, and if he played his cards right, maybe enjoy a little make up sex. Knocking gently, he pressed his ear to the door. “Faye….you awake in there?”

With no answer, he slowly opened the door, and entered her room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Though it was dark, he immediately knew something was amiss. Flipping on the light, he quickly felt his stomach sink as he surveyed the room, most of Faye’s belongings were gone. Sitting down on the bed, he felt the sheets, they were cold as if they hadn’t even been slept in. _She must've left last night._

Letting out a deep sigh, Spike let his head drop, elbows resting on his knees, his long fingers intertwining roughly in his hair. She had proved him wrong, she didn’t need their relationship, the Bebop, and certainly not him; but rather than try to prove her wrong, he had been cold and indifferent, true to his nature.

Opening his eyes slowly, Spike spotted a small pink box in the waste basket beside Faye’s bed. Curiously, he reached down, and picked it up, reading the words on the back. A lump formed in his throat as he realized he was reading a pregnancy test box, swallowing hard, he shook it softly, hearing what he assumed was the test rattling around in the box.

His head was swimming, as it suddenly dawned on him what this could mean. _There’s no way….right?_ Holding his breath, and with slightly unsteady hands he removed the test from the box, and flipped it over, trying to compare the symbol with the one on the back of the box. _Negative_. “Thank fucking god.” Spike dropped the box back in the waste basket, and flopped back on Faye’s bed with a sigh.

He was sure she would be back in a few days, she just needed time to cool off. It wasn’t like she hadn’t run off several times since he had known her, and she always came back, just like nothing had ever happened. He didn’t want to keep dealing with this run from everything routine, but that was something that they could work on. _Shit, I must really love her to put up with this bullshit._

Wrapping his arms around her pillow, he buried his face in it, hoping that it might still smell faintly of her. Spike unfortunately knew better, she hadn’t slept in her bed in months. He couldn’t help but feel a slight nagging feeling that this time things would be different. Maybe she wouldn’t come back this time. Maybe this time he had pushed things a little too far.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to push the thoughts from his head. Things had to be ok. Didn’t they?


	2. Waisting My Time

Earth wasn’t much to look at these days, covered in barren wastelands, and pock marked with craters from unpredictable meteor showers. A portion of the population, especially in the more volatile regions, had sought refuge underground. Yet there still existed cities, towns and suburbs that vaguely resembled the Earth of a time long passed. It was an uncertain existence, never knowing if everything you had might one day be smashed to bits in a matter of seconds, and yet people still choose to live that way.

Glancing at the hastily scribbled directions on the back of a betting slip, Faye stared up at the house that they had led her to. It was a modest house, shade trees lined a walk way to the front door, the lawn was nice and green, giving off a peaceful aura. Shouldering her duffle bag, Faye stared up into the sunlight filtered between the green leaves. _What the hell am I doing here? What if this is all some sort of sick game being played by a collection agency…maybe I should start to think about trying to pay that back….Are they that desperate?…I mean it would have to be pretty damn elaborate scheme on their part, but still…_. Shaking her head and such a silly notion, she slowly made her way to the front door. With a heavy sigh, Faye raised her fist and knocked timidly.

After what felt like a life time, a petite middle aged woman came to the door. Silence fell over the pair as the looked each other over. It was clearly apparent to both women that they were definitely related. “You must be Faye…I’m Katie…please come in!”

The whole thing was surreal to Faye. She actually had a living relative, a slight connection to her elusive past, or at least someone who knew something about it.

The two women had been exchanging emails for almost a month, Faye had felt guilty at the time for keeping it a secret from Spike, but since their fight two days prior, she was just glad she had somewhere to go. As she followed Katie, Faye looked around the house. It was nicely furnished, it had a very homey feel to it, much better than the sparse décor and cold metal of the Bebop. “You have a really nice house.”

Katie gave her a warm smile, and motioned toward the couch. “Thank you, have a seat and set your bag down, I’m sure you’d like to relax a bit after your trip. I’ll be right back, I am going to get Hank, he’s out back.”

Faye nodded at the suggestion, and took a seat as Katie disappeared. Through their emailing, Faye knew that Hank was Katie’s husband, and that the couple had no children. Katie had spent her whole life on Earth, and was the daughter of Faye’s cousin, who had only been twelve at the time Faye was put into the cryo sleep that had stolen years from her.

Faye had memories of her cousin Stacy, though they had an eight year age gap, she had been a lot like a little sister to her, memories of staying up late and camping out on Faye‘s bedroom floor brought a weak smile to her face.

Faye was snapped out of thought as Katie and Hank entered the room. Faye eyed the couple, and couldn’t help but smile and how opposite they looked. While Katie was petite, dark haired, with blue eyes and an ivory complexion; Hank was tall, and burley, quite tan, with thinning blonde hair, and dark eyes behind a pair of black plastic framed glasses. Hank was a very serious looking man, and Faye couldn’t help but feel a little nervous under his gaze as he approached her, offering his hand for a shake. His booming voice caught her off guard. “Very nice to meet you Miss Faye.” However as she accepted his hand, the nervousness melted away, as his stern face melted into a goofy smile.

“It’s nice to meet you too Hank, and you as well Katie. Really, I can’t thank you enough for offering to let me visit. It’s so nice to know that I actually have family.”

Katie flashed her a beaming smile. “Oh its nothing really. I mean, we might be strangers in a sense for now, but from your emails, I can tell you are a good person, and we’re really looking forward to getting to know you. Crazy to think that neither of us thought we had any living relatives, right?”

Glancing around the room once more, Faye nodded, it still felt surreal to her. “It really is, isn’t it?”

“Faye, if you want to grab your bag, I’ll show you your room.”

Following Katie, Faye walked along the hallway, glancing at a few pictures that lined the wall. As they came to a bedroom, Katie opened the door, and the women stepped in. It was a quaint, cozy looking room, with a bed, a desk, a night stand, and a dresser. Not bad for a guest room…its like three times bigger than my room back ho…back on the Bebop. Faye mentally slapped herself for referring to the old fishing ship as home, it certainly wasn’t anymore. Setting her bag down on the floor, Faye took a seat on the bed, running her hands over the comforter, marveling at how soft it was.

Heading for the door, Katie smiled. “Ill leave you to get settled. Dinner should be ready in a little while. Hope you like spaghetti.”

“Thank you again…for this.” Faye looked around the room once more, her stomach growling at the thought of a real homemade dinner.

“You’re very welcome, and you are welcome to stay as long as you’d like.”

As Katie left and shut the door, Faye laid back on the bed. God this bed is so soft. I could get used to this. Closing her eyes, Faye let her mind wander to the Bebop, she wondered if Jet was trimming his bonsais. If Ed was yapping away in his ear, distracting him from his work, causing him to trim braches he didn’t intend to prune. She knew if that were the case that he would feign irritation, never letting on that he enjoyed having the kid around. Faye was certain that Ein was lazing around somewhere, like most dogs would, and cats as well. She felt a slight twinge of guilt for leaving Blue behind, but at least Spike would take care of him.

 _Spike…_ Faye opened her eyes, and stared at the ceiling as she thought of Spike. It had only been two days, and she missed him like crazy, but she would be damned if she would let herself be a stand in for Julia. It wasn’t fair to put herself through all of that, no matter how much she may have loved Spike. He may have had issues letting go of his past, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to follow in his foot steps. It was time to make something new of life, and the prospect of a new home.

* * *

 

 

Stumbling into the kitchen of the Bebop, Spike desperately sought out caffeine . Clad in only a pair of sweat pants, he reached his goal when his hand met the coffee pot. Removing two cups from the cupboard, he poured himself a cup, and set the other on the counter out of habit. Turning around, his gaze fell on Ed sitting square in the middle of the table. She flashed him an innocent smile, and in the moment he envied her for not being tied down to all the burden of living in the world of an adult. “Is Faye-Faye coming back?”

Turning around and placing the second cup back where it belonged, he let out a sigh, before answering her in an emotionless tone. “No Ed, she’s not.”

Ed frowned and scampered off, and Spike let out a deep sigh before seating himself at the table, his mismatched brown eyes staring hard into the dark depths of the cup before him. After four days he had resolved himself to the fact that Faye wasn’t coming home, at least not anytime soon.

He missed her more than he could have ever imagined. In the year since Julia had died, he had learned to be a man with a future, over the months he had learned to let another woman into his heart, and over the course of a night he had lost her. Taking a drink of the strong black liquid and laying his head on the table, he heard the heavy footfalls enter the room.

Jet cleared his throat as he entered the kitchen, though Spike was all ready well aware of his presence. “How long are you gonna mope around like this Spike?”

Picking his head up, Spike met Jet’s steely blue gaze. “ As long as I need to old man. You of all people should know damn well what a woman can do to a man’s soul”

Jet knew his barb was aimed to hit personally. He knew more than he would like to admit to himself, because Alisa had certainly one hell of a number on him, and Spike knew this. Though in this instance Jet didn’t really know whose side to take. He was friends with both Spike and Faye, and even though what ever had happened had transpired four days prior, he still had no idea what had happened. In fact, he was more impressed with the fact that Spike had chosen to grace the rest of the ship with his presence, as most of his time had been spent between his own and Faye’s room. “You gonna look for her, or what?”

Spike took another drink of his coffee and seemed to mull over his answer for sometime, finally looking back up at Jet. “No….she made it perfectly clear that she was done. She doesn’t need your crap shack of a ship or me to be happy. She hasn’t tried to contact any of us in the last four days, she left no note, she took most of her shit…I don’t think she’s coming back this time.”

Jet poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down, an indigent look on his face. “Say what you want about your relationship, but leave the Bebop out of this. If you’d like you are more than welcome to leave this crap shack anytime. What exactly happened between you two anyways?”

Fishing in his pocket, Spike pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one before tossing the crumpled box on the table. “Well you heard the beginning of the fight…we lost the damn bounty. We kept on till we got back to my room….and then I told her that I thought sometimes things would be easier if she were more like Julia.”

Taking a drink of his coffee Jet swallowed hard. “ Christ Spike! Are you that dense? You of all people should realize that Faye isn’t as thick skinned as she lets on…Honestly if I were in her shoes I would be pissed too.”

Taking a long drag, Spike rolled his eyes. “Gee thanks, you don’t think I have thought about that? I know I never should have said that…but she was right ya know.”

Arching an eyebrow, Jet lit a smoke of his own. “What do you mean?”

“She said we’re both too fucked up to be in a relationship…..I mean, I compared her to Julia…for Christ sake she’s been dead a year….and Faye’s response was to run off….how mature is that really?”

Flicking the ash off his cigarette into the glass ashtray on the table, Jet shrugged. “Both of you are pieces of work…I’ll admit that, but in the time you two were together, I saw a change for the better in both of you to be honest. I know that I am not really the one to be giving relationship advice, but the Spike I have always known has never given up on things so easily…I don’t see why you would now.”

Crushing out the remainder of his smoke, Spike drained his coffee cup of its contents. “It’s different this time Jet. I saw something in her eyes that I have never seen. She was sure this time. I fucked up big time, and I guess I’ll just have to live with it and move on.”

For the first time since he had met Spike, Jet could see right through him. He knew the lanky man sitting across from him at the table was more unsure of this than anything, and coming from Spike it startled him. Silence set in between them, heavy and uncomfortable, until Spike finally spoke again. “Ya know….I found a pregnancy test in the waste bin in her room…..it was negative, thankfully.”

Jet almost spit out the mouthful of coffee he had taken. “Would that have changed anything?”

Standing slowly, Spike stretched. “I dunno, but I am leaving….”

“Where are you going?”

Spike turned to face his comrade, his face void of any emotion. “Earth…I’m gonna go see Doohan for a bit….dunno when I’ll be back.”

Jet slammed the fist of his prosthetic arm on the worn kitchen table. “You think this is just some revolving door for you people to come and go as you please?”

Spike shrugged. “Whatever happens, happens.”

 

Jet mulled over his now cold cup of coffee as he listened to the sound of the Swordfish take off. “Damn ingrates….think they can come and go as they please….like this is a halfway house for the down trodden.” As much as he would hate to admit it, Jet knew he would always take them back in a heart beat. As much as he would like to just leave them behind, they had all become a part of his makeshift family.

Something furry brushed against his ankle under the table. Reaching down, Jet scooped up Blue, who had all but been abandoned by his adoptive owners. Scratching the kitten behind the ears, he sighed. “Told them I would end up taking care of you.”

As the kitten stretched his neck forward and head butted Jet he couldn’t help but smile. “I won’t turn you out bud. If anything it’s those two who need turning out.”

Petting the cat with one hand, Jet rubbed his balding head with the other, apparently only kids and animals were the only ones around here that knew any loyalty.


	3. We All Return To Our Roots

**The count goes full, Turner calls for time as he steps out of the box. There are two on and two out here in the bottom of the 9th. The Blue Sox are down 1-0, the go a head runner is on 2nd, can they pull it off? Turner steps back in the box, the pitcher gets the sign from the catcher. Here comes to 3-2 pitch on the way…and its strike three called. That’s the game, Blue Sox lose.**

Spike shook his head slightly, a smirk on his face, as he watched Doohan’s assistant Miles slump his shoulders and continue working. Spike knew the kid was a die hard fan, and also oblivious to the his presence. Continuing into the shop, still unnoticed, jacket slung over his shoulder, sleeves rolled, up Spike made his way for the back office.

Leaning in the door way he watched as Doohan mulled over a stack of papers on his desk. A radio somewhere in the office played some old song quietly. It looked much like Spike had remembered. The coffee maker still in the corner, a few certificates and pictures hung on the walls. The air smelt of grease, oil cigarette smoke, burnt coffee and something that had a faint industrial cleaning agent smell about it. The banged up wooden desk sat off to the side, a chair across from it, and a beat up couch in the corner. On second thought it looked exactly like Spike had remembered.

Mumbling to himself, the old man raked a hand through his grey hair, then rubbed his chin. Grey stubble stood out against tanned skin, weathered from years of working in the unrelenting sun. Scribbling something on a sheet of paper in front of him, Doohan let out a sigh and set his pen down.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Spike fully entered the office, giving a low whistle. “Wow, really like what you’ve done with the place old man.”

Steely eyes fell upon Spike, as a grin spread across Doohan’s gruff features. He got up from the desk, greeting Spike with a rough pat on the back. “Spike my boy,! Its good to see you! What’d you do to the Swordfish now?”

Tossing his jacket on the beat up couch in the corner, Spike sat down in the chair opposite of the desk and propped his feet up on the corner of it as he lit a cigarette. “Nothin’ this time. Didn’t come for repairs, came to see you about a job”

Sitting back down at his desk, Doohan lit a smoke of his own, eyeing Spike with slight confusion. “Bounty huntin’ business that bad these days?”

Taking a deep drag, Spike shook his head. “Nah, it’s the same ol’ same ol’. It’s the life business that’s hurtin’. You got time for a story?”

Doohan and Spike sat and smoked as Spike told him all about his final showdown with Vicious and the Red Dragons. He told him about Julia’s death, about his time in the hospital, and more memorable bounties since his return to the Bebop. They briefly discussed how the Swordfish had been running, and Spike told the story of everything that had transpired between Faye and himself. The younger man felt at ease speaking with Doohan, the older man never judged, never interjected, just simply listened.

“Well shit…” Crushing out his cigarette, Doohan lit another right after. “That sounds like one hell of a year boy.”

Spike simply nodded, and took a drink from his third cup of coffee since he had begun his story.

“That woman sounds like one hell of catch. You really gonna walk away from that?”

Lighting another cigarette at the mention of Faye, Spike shrugged. “What ya gonna do with a woman who has made it clear that she doesn’t want you.?”

Doohan tapped the ash from his smoke into his now empty paper coffee cup. “I’ve never know you to be anything but foolishly stubborn…and some things are worth fighting for Spike.” Doohan noticed how Spike remained silent, and decided to drop the subject for now, as it really wasn’t his business to be meddling in. He switched gears, turning the conversation back to its original topic. “Ya know…I can’t pay you much, but I can find work for you…I don’t have room for you at my place, but you can sleep on the couch here in the office…you know there’s a shower and stuff.”

Getting up from his chair, Spike drained the rest of the contents from his coffee cup. “That’s fine.” Heading out of the office to get his bag from the mono racer, Spike turned around in the doorway. “Thanks old man. I appreciate it.”

 

* * *

 

A box should be a seemingly harmless object. Gifts come in them, you can pack things up in them, new items come in boxes. But then there was Pandora…she opened a box that should have remained closed, so maybe boxes weren’t always as innocent as they seemed.

Faye sat at the kitchen table, eyeing a box of her own, perhaps her own personal Pandora’s box. She had been staying with Katie and Hank for a week now, and this morning she had been presented with a well worn cardboard box. Katie had explained that she had gone through all the family things her mother had left behind when she passed away, and that she had boxed up everything that had anything to do with Faye.

Reaching out, Faye let her hand rest on the box, and tentatively pulled it back, chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

Katie reached across the table, placing a hand over Faye’s “We don’t have to look at this now, if you aren’t ready.”

Faye shook her head, and reached out for the box once more. Opening it slowly, she let her eyes scan the items. She pulled out a couple of photo albums, a beat up teddy bear, and a silver chain with a ring on it. Setting the now empty box on the floor, she turned her attention back to the items. So this is all that exists of my life before.

She grabbed the teddy bear, she could vaguely remember it. “This was mine….my very first stuffed animal.”

Katie offered a warm smile and picked up the silver chain and ring. “This necklace was your mother’s, and the ring was your father’s.”

Faye ran her fingers over the chain, and picked it up, she studied the ring. She couldn’t really remember her mother wearing the necklace, but then again her mother had owned a lot of jewelry. The ring however she clearly remembered. Her father wore it on the ring finger of his non married hand. She could clearly remember it on his hand as he held the handle bars of her bike steady as she learned to ride without training wheels, she smiled at the memory. Pocketing the chain, she turned her attention to the first photo album.

With slightly unsteady hands she opened it, studying the pictures. There was one with her parents sitting on a very nice looking couch together, a baby on her father’s lap, that was her of course. There were other family photographs, a picture of Faye on what looked to be her first birthday with cake all over her face and hands. A few school pictures, pictures of her family at the beach, and pictures from birthday parties. Faye paused, lingering on a photo of her and her grandmother. She really was a remarkable woman. A photo of a 12 year old Faye, smiling from ear to ear holding a baby, who was her cousin Stacy, Katie’s mom.

Katie smiled as she looked over the picture as well. “That’s a very nice picture.”

Faye finished looking through the album and closed it. Most of the pictures she could remember what was happening in them, save for a few, and the ones where she was too young to have a memory of the photos. It felt good to have validation that her memories were in fact correct.

Eyeing the second photo album, Faye touched the cover lightly. She wondered what was in it, since the other album had contained photos pretty much up to the point of her accident.

Katie watched Faye with a curious expression. “That album is one my mother made. It has pictures of things that happened in life while you were in the cryogenic sleep. She told me she made it so she could show you what she had been doing when you woke up. As she got older, she sent a beta deck and tape that you made as a child, that you were supposed to watch ten years after it was made, though she told me she never knew if it reached you.”

That’s where that came from. Faye had often wondered how that had reached the Bebop.

Opening the cover slowly, Faye studied pictures of Stacy as she grew up, school pictures and things like that. Her hand shook slightly, and she gripped the edge of the page to stop in as her eyes fell on a photo of her parents, both looking older than she knew them to be. She closed the book at turned to Katie. “Do…do you know when they died?”

Katie shook her head, “No, I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Faye sighed, and placed the two albums and the bear back into the box. “I think I am done with these for now….Hey Katie, I have a question.”

“What’s that Faye?”

“My father’s last name, what was it?”

Katie raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why do you ask? It’s the same as yours.”

Faye’s eyebrows knitted together in anger. “The doctor at the cryo clinic told me that all my records were lost in the gate accident, and that he gave me my last name. That bastard really did lie about everything.” She groaned in frustration, and an uneasy silence then fell over the room.

Clearing her throat, Katie rose from her chair. “I need to pick up a few things at the store, I’ll be back in a bit.” As she walked by, Faye reached out and grabbed her arm.

“I’ll do it.”

Katie gave her a puzzled look, and then her face softened, as she pulled the keys from her purse and handed them over to Faye. “The list is on the table by the front door. See ya later.”

 

* * *

 

Driving along, Faye’s head was spinning. Her memories had served her correct, but to see the people she was close to get on with their lives via photos had been surreal. It hit her that she would never know the people in those photos. She was not present for any of it, and to see photos of it was like watching a movie with actors whose faces you know, but who you don’t personally ever see. The people look familiar, but its all a movie.

And now those people were gone, no longer a part of the world, but she still was, she felt dizzy. Pulling over the car, she took a deep breath, pulling the chain out of her pocket. Looking at the ring, she couldn’t help but smile at memories of her father. She couldn’t help but notice that the ring looked like it would fit Spike’s fingers perfectly. She then felt a rush of anger. How fucking dare he get into my thoughts now! Putting the chain around her neck, she let her fingers run over the ring.  
Dropping her hand in her hands, she sobbed, for her family lost, for the crew of the Bebop, and selfishly for herself.

 

* * *

 

Pacing the halls of the Bebop, Jet let out a heavy sigh, lighting his third cigarette of the hour. About eight hours ago he had landed the ship in some God forsaken place on Earth in the middle of nowhere. Ed had contacted her father, and she was visiting him. The balding man felt a slight tinge of jealously, over time he had almost come to think of the girl as a pseudo daughter in some ways. She deserved a stable life, that much he knew, and her own father couldn’t provide that. Somehow Jet figured it wouldn’t be too long of a visit, as he was certain to run off after his work in no time. Oh well, the sooner the better, then we can get off this rock.

He was brought out of his reverie at the sound of his communicator ringing. Pulling it from his pocket, he smiled faintly, it was Faye.

“Hey stranger” she sounded tired.

“Faye where the hell are you?”

“Earth…look I am staying with a family member. I know it sounds crazy…but she is. I just wanted to let you know that I am ok, and where I am.”

Jet scratched the back of his neck. “You think that I am worried?”

He could almost hear the smile in Faye’s voice. “I don’t doubt it for a second old man. But look…don’t tell Spike about this ok?”

Sighing, Jet nodded to himself. “All right, just take care of yourself ok?”

“I will, and thanks Jet. I’ll see ya around.” With that the call ended.

Jet couldn’t help but chuckle to himself at the irony of it all. The whole damn crew was split up, and yet they were all on Earth, scattered about. The only sound was his own footfalls, and the clicking of Ein’s nails as he trailed along behind him. “Damn fools. All of them.”

 

* * *

 

Checking her reflection in the rearview mirror, Faye made sure she was composed before heading into the store. Grabbing a basket, she studied the list, and began gathering everything on it. As she roamed down an aisle, she noticed packages of instant ramen. A faint smile graced her face as she thought about her earlier phone call with Jet. She thought about how much Spike bitched about always eating ramen, and then she thought about how much she missed him. Not now…please not now. He was the last thing she wanted to think about at the moment, or at all.

Heading for the check out line, Faye couldn’t wait to get out of the store. All she wanted at the moment was to be alone in her room. The woman two people a head of her was arguing with the cashier, holding the line up, when Faye heard someone scoff behind her. “Wow…good thing no one is in a hurry.”

Faye turned to face the man behind her. He was tall, with dark hair and soft blue eyes. Her immediate thought was that he was good looking. She flashed him a grin. “No kidding.”

The man looked thoughtful for a moment, before offering her his hand. “I’ve never seen you around before. New to town?”

Faye shook his hand, and could feel a light blush creep on to her cheeks, “You could say something like that.”

Letting go of her hand, the man smiled once more. “I’m Dave.”

“Faye…Nice to meet you.”

“Look, I’m not usually so forward, but would you maybe want to get coffee with me tonight? Say like around sixish?”

Faye froze. Had this guy really just asked her out? What about Spike? No…what about him? We never were anything to begin with. Swallowing hard, Faye smiled brightly. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

“All right, then its set. There’s a café around the corner, Ill see you at six.”

As Faye finally reached the cashier, she paid, and gathered her bags, flashing a grin back at Dave before heading out of the store, and back to the car, a giddy smile plastered on her face. Maybe luck was on her side for once this time.


	4. Stubborn Love

Clanking and banging around under a small, old, air craft, Spike slid out from under the fuselage. “Miles…hand me that torque wrench would ya?”

The young man turned his Blue Sox cap around backwards, and scanned the tool box before him, before handing the wrench down to Spike.

Sliding back under the plane, Spike tried to loosen a lug nut, but to no avail. “Ah shit….I think this thing is stripped.” Sliding back out, he stood and wiped his hands on the front of his coveralls, tossing the wrench to Miles. “I’m going out for a smoke break, I’ll be right back.”

Miles caught the wrench and tossed it back in the tool box, walking over to the radio, turning up the volume on the ball game, as Spike headed outside.

Plopping down on the dusty, rain deprived ground Spike crossed one leg over the other and lit a smoke. Inhaling deeply he watched the wisps of smoke trail above his head as he exhaled. He had been working for Doohan for two weeks now, and as much as he hated to admit it to himself, the break from the norm had been kind of refreshing.

Fishing around in the pocket of his coveralls, he pulled out his communicator. It was probably time to call home and check in. His mind lingered on calling Faye for a minute, but he pushed the thoughts aside. As he punched in the number for the Bebop, and waited for an answer, he took another long drag. Finally someone picked up, but remained silent, Spike furrowed his brow. “Uhhh….Hey…”

“Spike-Person!” Ed had answered.

“Hey kid…how ya been?”

“Ed’s good. Edward was visiting with father person…Bebop is on Earth!”

Spike smiled slightly, _Guess they couldn’t stay away_ “That’s uhh… cool Ed…what’s new?”

Ed was talking to Ein and took forever before she replied to him. “Ed and Jet are going to see Faye-Faye!”

This got Spike’s attention, he almost spit out his cigarette. “What!? Hey Ed do me a favor and go get Jet ok?”

“Roger dodger….Ed will be right back!”

Spike took a very long drag off his cigarette, irritation setting in. So Jet knows where Faye is and forget to fill me in on that. Not that it really matters, why am I even mad? Spike finally heard the communicator crackle as someone on the other end picked up the receiver.

“Hey Spike-o. How ya been?”

“Hey Jet…been good, just been working, getting a little grease on my hands, feels a lot better than blood, ya know? So… Ed was telling me you guys are going to see Faye….where is she?”

Jet remained silent for a moment. “Ah, you know Ed, she rambles, doesn’t know what she’s talkin about.”

Spike sighed, crushing out his smoke. “Cut the bullshit Jet. Where is she?”

“Look….you didn’t hear this from me, but she’s staying with a cousin, on Earth. Kinda funny, you two can’t seem to stay that far from each other even when you try.”

Spike lit another smoke, taking a hard drag. “Yeah, real funny. You gonna give me the address or what?”

Jet reluctantly gave Spike the address after assuring that Spike wouldn’t mention anything to Faye about it. After promising to keep his mouth shut, Spike had ended the call. We’re both on Earth, what a coincidence. Hope she’s ready for a visit. Finishing off his second cigarette, Spike headed back into the shop.

Miles was still seated near the radio, intently listening to the game, Spike had to admire his tenacity in rooting for a tragically bad team. “Hey Miles! When Doohan gets back tell him I took the rest of the day off….I’ve got some business to take care of.”

The younger man opened his mouth the protest, realizing he would be doing all the work this afternoon, but shut it as an after thought. “Sure thing man.”

Spike smirked as he headed for the shower. He was going to get his girl back.

 

* * *

 

Around the kitchen table at Katie and Hank’s house the couple sat drinking coffee with Faye and Dave. In the week since the two met at the grocery store he had taken her for coffee, to the movies, and made her dinner at his place. Faye wasn’t sure about all of it. Sure Dave was a nice guy, and she wanted to move on from the fling her and Spike had, but in the back of her mind constantly nagging her was the fact that she still loved Spike. The four of them were engrossed in conversation when a knock at the door interrupted. Setting down her coffee cup, Katie excused herself. “Ill get it”

Taking a drink from her mug, Faye listened as Dave and Hank talked baseball, until she heard Katie call from the front door.

“Faye, its for you!”

Glancing uncertainly at Dave for a moment, Faye excused herself, confused as to who would be here to see her. She had told Jet and Ed tomorrow…surely Jet hadn’t confused the days. Faye all but froze when she saw the man at the front door. “Spike…” His name left her lips in barely a whisper.

Katie glanced from the man at the door that she heard much about, to Faye, who looked stunned. Silently she left to room, leaving the two of them alone.

“Yo.” Spike’s overly casual greeting was accompanied by the lighting of a cigarette, as he turned and headed back toward the tree lined walk way that lead to the porch.

Faye followed him out, shutting the door behind her, standing silently, watching Spike smoke. _Damn it, I knew Jet couldn’t keep his mouth shut._ “What do you want Spike?” her voice was cold.

Spike shrugged, as he took a drag, closing the space between himself and Faye. “I wanted to see you. Is that a crime?”

Faye opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by the opening of the front door. “Faye, is everything all right out here?”

Spike and Faye both turned in unison to Dave who had stepped out on to the porch.

The look on Spike’s face was enough for Faye to feel a twinge of guilt. “Who the fuck is he!?”

“I’m Dave…who are you?”

Spike started toward the porch, Faye placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back. “I didn’t ask you limp dick. I’m Spike, Spike Spiegel, Faye’s boyfriend.”

Dave’s face showed a hint of concern, as he shot a questioning gaze toward Faye.

“Ex boyfriend.” Faye interjected. “If you could even call it that.”

The two men looked each other over, anger and jealously easily readable on both of their faces. Faye sighed, leave it to men to feel a need to establish dominance over each other like animals. “Dave…could you excuse us for a moment?”

Reluctantly obliging, Dave went back into the house, leaving Faye alone with Spike once more. _God he looks so handsome…_ Faye had to talk herself out of throwing her arms around him.

Dropping his cigarette on the walk way, Spike crushed it out with the toe of his boot. “So…that your new boyfriend, since I am the ex?”

The sharp tone of his voice struck Faye, she knew he was upset. “Spike…we never even decided we were a couple….we spent the night sleeping next to each other, we were fuck buddies….was there really anything else to us?”

Spike opened his mouth to answer, but stopped. Her words hurt more than any physical action could have. They both knew what they had was more than that. He had almost convinced himself in the last couple weeks that he didn’t love Faye, but the way her words made him feel proved that he had only been lying to himself. “Yeah…I guess you’re right. But aren‘t you always?”

His snide jab lit something inside Faye “Did you want anything else Spike?”

Turning his gaze to the ground, Spike sighed. _Yeah, I want you back. I want you to come home with me. I want you to make me happy like I know you can._ Closing the gap between them move, he shifted his gaze to her eyes, resting his hand on her cheek, leaning in a bit closer. “I miss you”

As he leaned in closer, Faye silently wished he would kiss her, or just shove her against the house and have his way with her. She could smell beer on his breath, though she figured he might have been drinking a little if he had the nerve to show up here. In the back of her mind she damned Jet for telling Spike where she was. He didn’t need to tell her where he got his info, it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. She closed her eyes under Spike’s touch, as she let his words set in. She missed him too, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. “You smell like a brewery.”

Spike gave her a lop sided grin, leaning in even closer, his lips just inches from hers. “Is that a problem?”

It took all that Faye had in her to resist the urge to close the gap between them and press her lips to his. Instead she reluctantly pulled away from him. “Spike, you need to leave.” The tone of her voice surprised her. She didn’t know she could sound so convincing despite the conflicted feelings bouncing around in her head. “Now.”

Dropping his hand from her face, Spike allowed his gaze to remained locked on hers, desperately searching her eyes for some sign that she was lying. All he saw was confidence, and beauty. _Damn her…just kiss her you idiot…tell her you love her, that you need her…_ Ignoring his minds own pleading, Spike turned his back to her. “Yeah…I do. Maybe I’ll see ya around sometime. Good luck with Dewey…or whatever the fuck his name is.” Swallowing the lump in his throat he headed back down the walk way, and to the side walk.

Faye watched him walk away until he was out of sight, and let out the breath she had been holding. His words had hit her hard. It had been a huge struggle with herself to resist the urge to run after him and tell him that she still loved him, and that she wanted to go with him. Wiping away the tears forming in the corners of her eyes, Faye headed back into the house.

* * *

 

Taking a long pull from a bottle of whiskey, Spike plopped down in the swivel chair at Doohan’s desk. Spinning around he reveled in the dizziness of booze and equilibrium disruption.

Glancing down at a picture of Faye he had set on the table, he gripped the edges, hesitating slightly before tearing it in half. He flipped on the old radio on the shelf, leaning back he closed his eyes listening to the lyrics of an old song coming through the static.

**I got a problem. Can you relate? I got a woman calling love hate.**

Taking another drink, Spike heaved a sigh. “Oh I can totally fucking relate.”

 

Opening the door to his shop, Doohan and Miles entered. They had come back after hours to work on the old plane that Spike and Miles had been tinkering with earlier. Walking in, the pair were greeted to the sound of breaking coming from the direction of the office. “What the hell is he doing in there?”

As they made their way to the office, Doohan heard mumbling coming from the bathroom, turning the door knob he was shocked at the sorry sight before him.

The remains of a broken whiskey bottle where scattered along the floor, what little liquid that was left in the bottle was smeared along the floor mixed with blood. A barefoot Spike paced back and forth over the broken glass, a sway in his step. A pair of electric clippers laid broken in the corner, appearing to have been thrown at the wall. Hair was scattered all over the counter top, as Spike had taken the clippers to himself, having shaved his hair short. Vomit filled the sink, the smell starting to permeate the air.

Miles stared in shock from the door way, as Doohan shoved past him. “Christ all mighty Spike! What in the hell are you doing!?”

“Having a fucking party. What’s it look like.” his words slurred heavily as he fumbled to light a cigarette.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers, Doohan let out an angry sigh.

Spike moved to the door way were Miles still stood. He leaned heavily against the frame, staring at Miles with a crooked grin, trying to focus on his face. He exhaled a cloud of smoke in the younger mans face as he spoke. “You ever been in love Miles?”

Taking a step back, Miles shook his head. “No, I can’t say that I have.”

“Don’t. Save yourself man. You stay loyal to them Blue Sox….no woman is worth the trouble. They’re all fucking whores. Especially THAT one!” He turned to take a swing at the wall, but was grabbed at the shoulder by a strong hand.

Doohan turned Spike around and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “I’ve had just about enough of this!” Shoving Spike into the shower, he turned the cold water on, slamming him against the wall. “You sober the fuck up. And when you do, clean this shit up!”

Spike slid down against the wall, the water soaking his clothes. Doohan couldn’t tell if Spike was laughing or sobbing, but at this point he didn’t care. Shoving Miles out of the door way he slammed the door shut, leaving only the faint echo of water, and Spike’s muffled sounds to fill the hall way. “Miles…you can go on ahead and go home. We’ll work on the project tomorrow.”

Miles nodded, and took his hat off, scratching his head. “Things going to be all right here?”

Doohan sat down at his desk. “Yeah. Fool just needs to sober up. Ill see you tomorrow kid.”

As Miles left, Doohan lit himself a smoke. The only sound now was the shower running. The scene he had just witnessed was unnerving, in all the time he had known Spike, he had only known him to be cool and collected, approaching life nonchalantly. Even in the couple weeks he had been working for him, Spike had never shown such an utter lack of self control. Crushing out his cigarette, the old man sighed again. He supposed maybe it was true, people in love really did do crazy things.


	5. Young and Dumb

The evening had been eventful, drinks, dinner, and a walk in the park after. It had been a beautiful night, slightly chilly with clear skies, a perfect setting for a young couple on a date. Despite her confrontation with Spike earlier in the day, Faye had been determined to make the most of her date night with Dave. Always the gentleman, he had even walked her to the front door after he drove her home. Arms wrapped around herself in the cool night air, Faye turned to Dave who was leaning against the porch railing. “I had a really nice time tonight.”

Dave smirked. “Well I’m just glad you didn’t let that douchey ex boyfriend of yours ruin the day.”

Wrapping her arms around his waist, Faye leaned her head on his shoulder. She couldn’t help but feel a slight bit of anger at his name calling, she quickly reminded herself that it shouldn’t. “Please…I think it would take a whole lot more than him to ruin a night with you.”

Turning his body so that Faye now had her back against the rails, Dave leaned down to kiss her, smirking against her lips. “Well that’s good, cuz I really like you Faye. You’re one hell of a woman.”

She playfully arched an eyebrow. “Oh really? Is that so?”

Dave let his hands fall to her hips, his lips trailing down to her neck. “Mmm hmm.”

Hooking her fingers in his belt loops, Faye pulled his body against hers. She could feel his finger tips creep up the back of her shirt. Tilting her head back to give him better access to her neck, she let her eyes fall closed. “Mmm…Spike.”

Immediately her eyes flew open, a horrified look graced her features as Dave pulled back. Shaking his head he gave a dry chuckle.

Faye sat down on the porch, her head in her hands “Dave…I’m so sorry. ”

Sitting down beside her, Dave nudged her knee with his. “Don’t be.”

Faye felt bad for the man beside her. He hadn’t asked to be pulled into her drama. What she had done to him had been no better than Spike telling her that things would be easier if she were like Julia. The very thing that started all of this. In fact, in the back of her mind she was constantly comparing the things Dave did to what Spike did, or more often than not, didn’t do. “Look…Dave…you are a really good guy, and I like you…I do, but I can’t do this.”

“You still love him huh?”

Faye nodded dumbly, keeping her eyes straight ahead toward the street. She wasn’t sure why Dave wasn’t fuming after all of this. All it had taken was Spike to compare her and Julia for Faye to fly off the handle, and yet this man was sitting beside her, excusing her actions. _Oh right….he’s not so fucked up._ She never realized how true her statement to Spike had been the night she left, until now. They really were a mess.

Dave stood, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. “No hard feelings ok? I mean it hasn’t been all that long, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just take care of yourself, all right?”

Faye blinked hard, willing away tears that threatened to spill, as confusion and guilt ran through her like rapids on a raging river. In the time she had gotten to know Dave over the last couple weeks she had seen his good natured personality, but she knew he was not as nonchalant about this as he was letting on. “I will, you too.” She sighed heavily, “Good bye Dave.”

He turned and gave her a weak smile as he walked away. “Good bye Faye.”

Remaining on the porch long after he drove off, Faye sat alone with nothing to keep her company but her own muddled thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Waking with a groan, Spike slowly opened his eyes. He wasn’t sure what time it was, either really late at night, or very early in the morning. No matter what the time, he felt like shit. It took him a few moments to realize that he was on the floor of the shower, slumped against the wall. It was apparent that he had slept there, or more than likely passed out there. Licking his dry lips, he could taste bile and booze in his mouth still, a headache pounding in his skull. His cold damp clothes clung to him, and he was painfully aware of a stinging sensation in his feet. He didn’t remember turning the shower on, or off for that matter, the last thing he remembered was throwing the bottle of whiskey at the wall. Examining each foot slowly, Spike removed a few shards of glass, grimacing as the wounds started to bleed again. Letting his eyes fall closed, he leaned his head back against the cold wall. “Fuck….”

Running his hands through his hair, he also quickly became aware of the fact that it was now much, much shorter. Shit…I really did do that. Pulling himself up slowly, Spike exited the shower, carefully avoiding the broken glass on the floor. He surveyed the havoc he had caused in his drunken stupor, he honestly hadn’t intended to drink so much. Something about seeing Faye yesterday, and the fact that she was dating that shmuck and acting like they had been nothing together, had sparked an anger in him that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

The air in the room smelled of liquor, stale cigarettes and vomit. Spying what he had left behind in the sink last night, made his stomach churn.

Retrieving a first aide kit from under the sink, he sat on the toilet, carefully bandaging his feet. When he was satisfied with the job, he stood, wincing slightly, and stripped down to his boxers, leaving the wet clothes in a heap on the floor. It would just be one more thing to clean up later, no big deal. Walking down the short hallway back to the office, the smell of fresh coffee filling the small room made him feel queasy. Fishing around in his bag for a clean t-shirt and a pair of sweats, Spike flopped down on the old worn couch. He closed his eyes tight, feeling drained, this sure was going to be a hell of a hang over.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly noon when Faye drug herself out of bed, not that she had slept much. Her night had been spent thinking about how she had all but used Dave to try to forget about Spike, he was a nice guy, but she didn’t feel much for him beyond friendship. She had simply used him for a stand in for what she couldn’t have, and the thought almost made her sick. She was no better than Spike, she was sure that’s exactly what she was for him, a stand in for Julia. It had then dawned on her why they were so fucked up, they were too much a like. She had spent another part of the night resisting the urge to call Spike and spill her heart out. That was how the night played out, rotating thoughts, Dave and Spike. Spike and Dave. Guilt, anger, and confusion, round and round, until sleep finally claimed her exhausted mind.

The house seemed to be empty, she was sure Hank was at work, and Katie was probably running errands. After a quick shower, Faye had dressed and headed out to the patio in the back yard, sitting down at the table, she lit a cigarette and sighed heavily. Letting the cigarette balance on an empty can that was on the table, she laid her head on her arms, watching the wisps of smoke dance off the end. She envied the smoke, it was so free, it did what it wanted, went anyway it wanted, without a reason.

The sound of the sliding glass door shutting, startled Faye out of her thoughts. She turned to see Katie with a pitcher of margaritas and a couple glasses. The older woman set them on the table and took a seat across from Faye. “ Margarita? It looks like you could use a drink.” She glanced at her watch. “And its almost noon anyhow, I wouldn’t say its too early.” A playful grin tugged at her features, and Faye was taken a bit back at how much it reminded her of herself.

Taking a drag off her cigarette, Faye exhaled a cloud of smoke, grabbing one of the glasses and pouring herself one. “Do I look that shitty?”

Katie laughed. “No dear you don’t, but trust me, a woman knows when another woman has something on her mind.” She poured herself one, and eyed the pack of cigarettes on the table. “Can I bum one?”

Faye raised a surprised eyebrow. “You smoke?”

“Used to, I quit when Hank and I got married, but sometimes they just call to you. Besides, what he doesn’t know wont hurt him.” Lighting the cigarette, Katie exhaled, laughing a little. “God I miss this sometimes.”

Faye smiled, taking a drink of her little too strong margarita. Shit, we really are related. “I won’t be seeing Dave again.”

Katie took a drink from her glass, swallowing hard as she realized how strong she had made the drinks. “What happened?”

“Well after our date, he brought me home, walked me to the door, and uhhh…we were kind of making out on your porch.” Faye could feel her face turn red. “I called him Spike…I didn’t mean to, obviously, it just sort of came out.”

Exhaling a cloud of smoke, Katie studied Faye’s face. “ Was he pissed?”

“No, he was really, incredibly nice about it. Honestly, that just made me feel all the more bad for it. I mean, he didn’t really deserve that, he is a nice guy.”

Pouring another margarita, Katie took a drink, refilling Faye’s glass as well. “I liked him, he was really sweet. But you still love Spike.”

Faye sighed. “ Is it really that fucking obvious? Dave asked me the same thing.”

“I hate to say this, but it is painfully obvious, at least to me. The way you looked at him when he showed up here the other day said it all.”

Faye lit another cigarette and handed another to Katie. “I do love him. I wish I didn’t. He is probably the most irritating, reckless, selfish, handsome, sweet, annoying….Ugghh…I don’t know what I even see in him!”

Tapping her ash in the discarded can, Katie smiled again. “Well you can’t help who you love.” Her smile grew into a grin. “And I have to say he is quite the good looking fellow.”

Faye laughed, downing the rest of her drink and falling silent. She couldn’t keep up her front of indifference forever, she would be a fool to think other wise. Sighing she dropped the spent cigarette butt into the can on the table. “Katie, I can’t thank you enough for letting me stay here, for giving me a better insight to my past. Words can’t express how grateful I am for that. But I think its time for me to go home.”

Finishing off her drink and discarding her own cigarette, Katie smiled warmly. “You are more than welcome. And you are always welcome back here, anytime.” Standing and wrapping Faye in a hug, the older woman patted her on the shoulder. “Go home and get that man of yours.”

Heading back into the house to pack her things, Faye couldn’t help but smile as Katie’s words played over in her head. Maybe she would do just that.

 

* * *

 

After sleeping away most of the day, Spike woke feeling surprisingly much better, that was until he set about the task at hand. Cleaning the bathroom had been pure hell, especially that sink.

After catching a shower and dressing, he made his way outside, plopping down on the dusty ground for a smoke, just in time to catch the sunset. Closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall, Spike exhaled a cloud of smoke. He could hear the crunching of boots on the dry ground, not needing to open his eyes to know it was Doohan. “Don’t worry, I cleaned it all up.”

Taking a seat on the ground beside Spike, Doohan lit himself a cigarette. “I know, I checked.” He took a long drag. “ When I saw you weren’t dead on the couch I figured I’d find you out here. So what’s got your panties all in a twist boy.”

“You know damn well what my problem is old man.”

Digging around in his pocket Doohan pulled out something and tossed it toward Spike. “You mean this?”

Opening an eye and glancing down at the object in his lap Spike sighed. It was the picture of Faye that he had ripped in half last night, he must of left it on the desk. He smiled slightly at the fact that Doohan had taped it back together. “Yeah that.” Shoving the picture in his own pocket, Spike crushed out his spent cigarette. “And thanks.”

Doohan nodded. “So is that where you ran off to the other day?”

“Yeah, I thought I’d walk up there, tell her how it is, and she’d take me back. Man, was I in for a surprise. She told me to leave, and get this, she’s got a boyfriend. Can you believe that shit? I can‘t believe she could be so cold, she acted like she didn’t even care about me.” Spike lit another cigarette, his free hand clenched at his side.

“Well have you ever thought that maybe you gave her a reason to?”

Spike shot the older man a glare. “Are you seriously sticking up for her?”

“No, I don’t even know the woman, but from that picture, I’ll tell ya, she’s a looker. But think about it from her point of view ya dolt. You didn’t forget you told me the whole damn tale did ya?” Doohan lit another cigarette from his spent one as he continued. “ As long as she’s known you, you were hung up on a woman who was a ghost of the past. Then she meets this woman, gives you a message from her, and you run off. Honestly, I would say she’s fool for trusting you to begin with. Then you two realize you have some feelings for each other, and you go and throw this elusive ghost woman in her face. I can’t help but sort of feel for the girl. I hate to say this Spike, but you are kind of at fault here.”

Spike was still fighting the last of his lingering hang over, this was the last thing he needed. “Christ! I make one little fucking mistake, and both of you think this is MY fault!?”

Doohan shook his head. “Maybe you should really think about what I said. Really reevaluate all you’ve been through with this woman.”

“Are you deaf old man! I said it was a mistake. I mean I know that a part of me will always love Julia, but she’s dead. She’s fucking dead, she’s not coming back. I spent years living in my past, wallowing in self pity, loathing anything that might possibly make me happy, and one little mistake ruins all that. That hardly seems fair.”

Doohan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Do you listen to yourself when you speak Spike? You said you spent years loathing anything that made you happy….What exactly are you doing right now? You say you love this woman, but I don’t see you doing anything about it except wallowing in pity. You said it yourself when you first got here, that you were a changing man, but your actions say otherwise. Makes you a bit of a hypocrite doesn’t it now?”

Spike was livid now. Rising to his feet he brushed his pants off, and turned to Doohan, his fists balled at his sides. Never in all the time he had known the older man had he ever felt an ounce of anger toward him, until now. “You shouldn’t talk about things you know nothing about. All I see here is a lonely old man, married to his work. What the hell do you know about love?”

Doohan rose to his feet, his steely eyes lock on Spike. “I’m just telling you, if you put as much effort into being with that woman, as you do feeling sorry for yourself, you might not be alone. And you Spike shouldn’t speak of things you know nothing about. You and I aren’t as different as you think.”

Spike unclenched his fists, and turned for the shop “Whatever old man. I’m done with this conversation.” Storming off back inside, he slammed the door, leaving Doohan outside smoking quietly.

Flopping down angrily on the couch, Spike pulled the photo of Faye from his pocket. He had swiped it from the Bebop when he had left. Ed had found an old camera once, and had run around the Bebop snapping pictures of everyone and everything. In the photo Faye had been sitting on the edge of the flight deck, looking over her shoulder, she had a half smile on her face, she was probably ready to yell at Ed when the photo was snapped. Spike smiled slightly at the picture, his long fingers tracing over her face. “Fuck I hate you.”

Letting the picture fall to the floor, he rubbed his temples, thinking over what Doohan had said. Like he really knows what he is talking about. Why was he the bad guy? Faye wasn’t exactly innocent herself. She had run off on him lots of times. Scratch that, four to be exact. There had been the time she had run off to Callisto, emptying out the safe and the coolant from the Bebop. In all honesty, he hadn’t really cared much that she was gone that time. Then she pulled her disappearing act again when she went to find her childhood home, she was gone for days. That time he wasn’t sure why, but he was relieved when she came back. Then there was the cut and run episode after the first time they slept together, and now this time. Spike shook his head, talking to himself. “And I am the messed up one in this relationsh…this…this mess. What have I even done that’s do damn bad?”

Spike pondered his statement for a while. When he had fallen from the cathedral window, she had been concerned, and all he had done is tell her she sang off key, not even so much as a thanks for caring. He could admit to himself that it was kind of a dick move, she hadn’t been that off key. When he was all banged up, but still went out to confront Mad Pierrot, she didn’t want him to go, hell she even showed up to try to back him up. Again he didn’t show her a shred of appreciation, so that was a dick move too. When he went to face Vicious and his possible death, she had tried to talk him out of it. It was at that time he realized that she might have some feelings for him. Then when he returned to the Bebop after all of that, he never once addressed any of it, just simply acted as though nothing had happened. He had never even asked her about her past that she remembered, well at least not for a good ten months. _Major dick move._

Then a horrible realization dawned on him. If she had feelings for him when he left to fight Vicious, as he suspected, that would mean that she had feelings for him when she met Julia. If that was the case, which is was pretty certain it was, then she delivered that message to him knowing that nothing would ever come from those feelings.

Reaching down, Spike picked the photo up from the floor, studying Faye’s face once more. “I really am an asshole.”

Suddenly he didn’t feel so mad at Doohan anymore, sure he had been out of line, but maybe laying down and relaxing made him realize to just let it slide this time. Or maybe, just maybe it was that he knew the old man was right.


	6. Hold Me Down

Home had never felt so inviting, as Faye entered the lounge of the Bebop she was greeted by silence. The Hammerhead had been in the hangar, so Jet had to be around somewhere. Much to her disappointment the Swordtail had been gone. _That damn gossip Jet probably told Spike I was coming back._ Glancing around she noted that it looked exactly the same as it had three weeks ago when she left, though she hadn’t expected otherwise. “Hello? Anyone home?”

“Faye-Faye!”

Faye turned around in time to see a flash of red hair, as Ed flung herself at her, almost knocking her over as she threw her arms around her. “Woah! Easy Ed.” Faye dropped her bag, and patted the girl on the head, as Ein ran around the two barking, his stubby little tail wagging.

Ed was latched on to Faye’s leg, staring up at her with big amber eyes. “Are you here to visit Edward and Jet person?”

Faye smiled faintly. “No Ed, I’m coming back home.”

Ed let go of Faye and ran off down the hall, with Ein following after. “Yay! Faye-Faye‘s here to stay!”

As she turned to grab her bag, the sound of heavy footfalls made her smile. “Well look what the cat dragged in.”

Turning to face Jet, Faye flashed him a coy smile. “ You know you missed me.” Leaning down to pet Blue she smiled at the kitten. “You’re getting so big. Sorry I left ya buddy.” Scratching the cat behind the ears, she turned back to Jet. “ Why didn’t you tell Ed I was coming back home?”

Rubbing the back of his balding head and lighting a cigarette, Jet smiled. “A kid deserves a surprise once in a while.”

“How thoughtful.” Faye couldn’t help but genuinely smile at Jet’s ‘parenting skills’ “ Where is Spike?”

Jet took a deep drag, quickly shifting the subject. “ Why don’t you go throw your stuff in your room, dinner will be ready soon.”

Faye raised an eyebrow. “Don’t change the subject Jet, where is Spike?”

“Uhh…well ya see, he went out..”

Faye snatched the cigarette out of Jet’s mouth, taking a long drag before tossing it on the floor. Her face inches from his, she exhaled the smoke, anger plastered across her features. “Look. You had no trouble telling him where I was….so spill it old man.”

“He left shortly after you did. He’s been working for Doohan for a few weeks.”

Faye let out a long sigh. “He was on Earth that whole time I was? Damn him.” Grabbing her bag she headed back toward the hangar. “Ill be back in a few days.”

“Wait! You just got here, why don’t you….” Faye was all ready out of the room before Jet could finish his sentence. Blue rubbed against his ankles, meowing loudly at him to be fed. Shaking his head Jet sighed. “Damn ingrates.”

 

* * *

 

Leaning his chair back on two legs, Spike rubbed his grease smudged face. He and Miles sat around, boredly listening to the Blue Sox game, it was a slow day and they were waiting on parts.

**And the pitch is on the way, the batter squares away..**

“Strike three.” Spike smirked.

**And that’s strike three. That’s the end of the 5th inning the Blue Sox down four to nothing.**

“Damn it” Miles grumbled. “Why do you have to do things like that?”

Lighting a cigarette, Spike rocked his chair a bit. “Aw come on Miles, I doubt I am sending bad vibes their way. Lets just be real here, Blue Sox baseball is just a sad, sad thing.”

“Spike! Ya got a vistor!” Doohan yelled from the other room.

Cigarette dangling from his lips, Spike set his chair back down on all four legs, turning to Miles. “It’s probably that guy with the spark plugs we needed. Doohan just send him back here!”

The radio crackled with interference, Spike walked over to it, trying to adjust the frequency with little luck. “I think this might just be a wrap for this game Miles…not that it really matters that…”

“Uhhh…Spike.” Miles’ shocked sounding voice cut him off in mid sentence, as Spike turned he saw what had gotten the younger mans attention. Standing there in the middle of the work shop was Faye.

Spike smirked, his eyes looking her up and down, a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, around the half smoked cigarette. “Yo.” He couldn’t help but smile inwardly at how out of place she looked amidst all the tools and pieces of machinery.

“Hey.” Faye looked absently around the shop, then from Miles, who was still starting at her, to Spike. She shot him a glance trying to silently communicate.

Spike cleared his throat. “Uhh…Miles, do you mind?”

Miles snapped to attention. “Oh! Umm…sure.” He quickly snatched the radio off the work bench and hurried out of the room, sneaking a quick glance back at Faye.

“Wow you’d think he had never seen a woman before.”

Spike laughed at her comment, but his mood quickly swung, his voice void of any emotion. “What are you doing here Faye?”

She knew he was baiting her, that if she answered him directly that they would end up fighting. Some things never did change. Instead she opted to change the subject. “What the hell happened to your hair?”

He shrugged. “Accident.”

“I see.”

Silence settled over the pair, as Spike calmly smoked, and Faye tried to look at anything else in the room besides Spike. “How are things with Darren?”

Faye snapped her attention back to Spike. “It’s Dave, and things aren’t. I’m not seeing him anymore.”

“Isn’t that a damn shame.”

The dry, sarcastic tone of his voice was starting to grate on her nerves. “Damn it. I came out of my way to see you. Why are you being such an ass?”

“Faye, I never asked you to come, I wouldn’t dream of being an inconvenience to your busy schedule. But lucky me that you were so gracious as to bless me with your presence.”

Faye sighed heavily at his sarcasm. “You are such a prick.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “And you’re always a bitch.”

“Spike I didn’t come here to fight with you.” Faye was proud at how cool and collected she sounded.

“Then what did you want? Money for the ponies?” Spike knew a personal jab would get through that calm front, he wanted to see that fire in her.

“Asshole.”

Spike stepped closer to her. “Cheat”

Faye couldn’t help but let her eyes rove over him. He looked good in his coveralls, grease smeared on his face, though his very short hair looked weird, she could work with it. “Bastard.”

Roughly grabbing her hips, Spike pulled her even closer, spitting his cigarette to the work shop floor. He leaned in close to her, his voice a deep whisper. “Romani.”

Faye stared up at him, speechless for a moment, hating that he had gotten the upper hand on her with little effort. Finding her words once more, she smirked, leaning a bit closer to him. “Lunkhead.” Any resemblance of self control that Faye had left was thrown to the wind as she grabbed the sides of his face, kissing him hard.

Gripping her hips harder, Spike hoisted Faye up on the work bench behind her, not breaking their kiss. Slowly he pulled away, letting his lips trail down her neck. Letting her hand rest on the back of his neck, Faye closed her eyes, reveling in the closeness. “I hate you Spike.”

Spike smirked against her neck, his lips trailing across her throat. “Not as much as I hate you.” He spoke between heated kissed.

Continuing to let his lips roam over Faye’s neck, he let his hands slide up from her hips, up her sides as he groped her chest. Faye groaned, squirming under his hands. “Ow, damn it.”

Spike pulled away slightly, studying her with a quizzical look, as she reached under herself, grabbing a wrench that had been pressing into the small of her back. She tossed it aside, lacing her fingers with his, pulling him closer once more.

Spike laughed and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers. In the moment, everything felt normal. “Fuck I missed you.”

Closing the small gap between them, Faye softly pressed her lips to his. “You have somewhere more private around here?”

Smirking, Spike helped her off the workbench, and led her down the hall to the office, pinning her against the door, assaulting her lips once more before they could even enter the room. Deepening the kiss, Faye fumbled behind herself for the door knob. Turning it, she sent them both stumbling into the room, Spike using his foot to shut the door. Glancing at the couch out of the corner of his eye, he instead coaxed her back toward the desk.

Faye felt the desk hit the back of her knees as Spike nudged her back toward it. Sitting on the edge, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for another heated exchange of kisses. Nimble fingers fumbled with his coveralls, trying to decipher how to get them out of the way. Grunting in frustration, Faye gave up.

Pulling back slightly, Spike unfastened the snap at the collar, unzipped them down to his waist shrugging his arms out of the sleeves, and lifted his t-shirt over his head, an arrogant smirk ever present on his lips. “See, it wasn’t that hard.”

Playfully slapping his arm, Faye pulled him back in for another kiss. Her hands roaming across his bare back. “Shut up Spike.”

Sliding his hand down to her hip, Spike used the other to shove the papers from the desk to the floor. He smiled at the surprised look on her face. He pushed her all the way back, coming to stand between her legs, leaning down to kiss her once more. “I’ll clean it up later.”

* * *

 

Staring up at the ceiling, Faye smiled to herself, as she traced imaginary shapes along Spike’s shoulder. She could feel his breath against her neck, and the sweat from his forehead against her skin as he rested against her, trying to regulate his breathing. “God that was amazing.”

Spike remained silent, but kissed her neck gently. Faye smiled softly at the gesture. She could feel her own shirt sticking to her with perspiration, and silently wished she had taken the time to remove it. Smile still plastered on her face, she turned her head slightly to kiss his temple. “I love you.”

Spike tensed a little at her words. He knew she loved him, just as much as he knew he loved her. But some nagging feeling inside him just couldn’t let him be happy, maybe he just didn’t deserve it. Or maybe he just didn’t know how to be happy. When he really thought about it, even Julia hadn’t made him happy. He had spent his time loving her with something that bordered on obsession, and that sure as hell wasn’t healthy.

Then there was Faye, it wasn’t an obsession with her, he honestly loved her, but even now, right after he just had made love to her, he was pondering Julia. He had compared, contrasted, and drew parallels between the two constantly.

“Hey Spike?” Faye’s voice broke him from his reverie.

Reluctantly Spike pulled away from her, pulling his t-shirt back on, and fastening his coveralls, all with out a word. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but it would be better for Faye in the long run.

Faye was amazed at how cold she felt without Spike’s body against her, though she didn’t think it had much to do with the temperature in the room. Sitting up, she saw Spike nonchalantly holding her panties out to her. She felt suddenly cheap and dirty. Snatching her underwear from him, she quickly pulled them on, and searched for the pants she had been wearing.

“Faye, you should go.”

Pulling her pants on, Faye turned to stare blankly at him. “Excuse me?”

“I said you should go. Go back home.”

“What the fuck Spike!? What the hell…what did we just do!? And now you’re telling me to leave!”

Spike licked his dry lips, trying to keep his voice cool and even. “It shouldn’t have happened….sorry about…” before he could finish, Faye had slapped him hard across the face.

“You’re sorry!? You’re fucking sorry!?”

Spike shoved his hands in his pockets, turning his back to Faye, heading out the door. “Go home Faye” He called over his shoulder. Something flew past him, and it took a moment to realize that she had thrown a stapler at him. Though he doubted that she intended to miss.

It took all of his self control not to turn around and tell her that he was an idiot, but he feared if he did, she’d she the tears that stung his eyes. That she might see just how transparent, how flawed, and how weak he really could be. If he hurt her now, he wouldn’t ruin things and hurt her later. She would be better off, and someday she would know it was for her own good.


	7. Monotone

Harsh street light filtered in through mangled blinds. Groaning, Faye sat up, and squinted to read the numbers on the shitty alarm clock on the motel night stand. Her companion from hours earlier was no where to be found in the poorly kept room, he probably took off the moment she fell asleep. Burying her face into the pillow she sighed, Jet was going to be pissed.

She had been in a little dive bar, nursing a drink, waiting for the bounty to show up. He wasn’t worth much, and with a very unimpressive wrap sheet; embezzlement, fraud and money laundering, Faye hadn’t really wanted to go. Jet however had given her a speech about pulling her weight, and needing money for food and fuel, at which point she agreed just to shut him up.

Mark Barnes was his name, and from his wanted poster Faye knew he was attractive, tall dark and handsome so to speak. As soon as he entered the bar, Faye wasted no time talking him up. He seemed harmless enough, and Faye wanted to just let loose for the night. One drink had turned into one more, and then another, before she knew it she was leaving the bar with Barnes and checking into a shitty motel. She knew exactly what he had in mind when he suggested they leave, and she was not going to object to it. In the back of her drunk mind she had formulated a plot to cuff him after all was said and done.

It had been three months since she had last seen Spike at Doohan’s shop, and for three months she had been hung up on it still. The more she drank, the more she just wanted to forget him, even if for just a night. So as soon as Barnes suggested they leave, she jumped at the chance. She felt like a bit of a slut, loving one man, while planning to sleep with another. That was the problem to begin with, loving that man, she quickly pushed those thoughts aside. All she wanted was for Barnes to take her back to that motel and fuck her senseless enough to forget all about that lunkhead.

Her plan had fallen through, well at least the bounty head part. Halfway through she had ended up praying silently that he would just finish so she could cuff him and be done with it all. Something unforeseen had happened though, Barnes had ended up wrapping his arms around her, holding her close. And in that oddly comforting few minutes, she did in fact for the moment forget all about Spike. Unfortunately that comfort, combined with alcohol had also made her fall asleep, and ended up with her in her current predicament. “Another lost bounty…story of my life.”

Dragging herself to the bathroom, not bothering to even look for her clothes, she shut the door behind her. She needed a shower, and needed one bad, she felt incredibly dirty at the moment. Never in her life had she had a one night stand, and yet here she was doing just that, and with a bounty, one that she had let get away.

Turning the water on, she stared at her sorry looking reflection in the mirror. Her hair was in every which way, her makeup smeared, eyes red rimmed from her earlier drinking. She stared back at herself until steam blocked her vision from the mirror. She was glad for that, because at the moment she was disgusted with the woman staring back at her. Climbing into the shower she pulled the curtain closed and sank to the floor, under the hot cascading water she hung her head and cried.

Sliding down against rough bricks, Spike hit the ground harder than he intended. Liquor made his head spin in a deliciously intoxicating manner. He wasn’t even sure where he was, or what the building was he was slumped against. Struggling to pull himself to his feet, Spike staggered to a nearby bench, bathed in pale street light. Plopping down heavily, he lit himself a smoke, letting his head fall back.

He had picked up a woman at a bar the other night. A blonde, with soft blue eyes, he had gone back to her place with her, and had sex with her. It had been awful, she had simply laid there like a corpse. In the back of his warped twisted mind he thought how much she was like Julia, pretty, blonde, blue eyed and for lack of a better word, dead; maybe she could be his new Julia. He didn’t even know her name, and as he snuck out of her apartment he knew he didn’t care, and wouldn’t be going back.

Just hours earlier he snuck out of yet another woman’s bed, before heading back to the bar. She had beautiful dark hair, and green eyes, not unlike someone he was desperate to forget. In his drunken stupor he had let her drag him to a seedy motel down the street from the bar. He had failed to get her name as well, though it didn’t matter. She had been fiery and full of passion, and even now in his inebriated state he could feel the stinging of the scratches on his back.

As he smoked, his head swam and he thought about how much he loathed himself in the present moment. If this was what living in the present got you, maybe he was better off in the past. He hated how even when he was sleeping with strangers they were just stand-ins for the two women who consumed his thoughts. Julia and Faye, both of them were nothing but trouble, women always would be the death of him.

* * *

 

It was a little after 2am when Faye came slinking back into the Bebop. She tried her best to be quiet, not wanting to wake anyone, all she wanted was to crawl into bed and attempt to sleep.

The smell of cigarette smoke wafting from the lounge was enough for her to know that Jet had been waiting for her to get back. _Great, just what I needed._ She knew she would have to pass him to get to her room, and she knew that trip would be delayed.

“Do you know what time it is Faye?”

She placed her hands on her hips, stopping in her tracks to face him. “Gee, I didn’t know I had a curfew, dad.”

Jet exhaled a cloud of smoke harshly. “Don’t get cute with me woman. Where the hell have you been? And what about Barnes?”

Reaching for Jet’s cigarettes on the table, she pilfered one, lighting it she shook her head. “He got away.” Jet definitely didn’t need the details as to how.

Raising an eyebrow, Jet crushed out his smoke. “So where the hell have you been all night? You left six hours ago.”

Taking a deep drag, Faye shrugged. “Out.” Crushing out her smoke, Faye left the room without another word, and without protest from Jet, thankfully.

Walking down the hall, Blue followed her, stopping to meow outside of Spike’s door. In the months that she had been back on the ship, Faye had to taken to sleeping in her own room, not once entering the one she had once shared with Spike. Turning around she called for the cat. “Come on, he’s not in there…”

Pawing at the door, Blue continued to meow, heaving a deep sigh, Faye reluctantly walked to the door and opened it, closing it quickly behind her once she entered. Blue curled up on the bed, and Faye smiled weakly. “You miss him too huh?”

Stripping down to her underwear, Faye searched the dresser, finding a t-shirt, she pulled it over her head, and sat down on the bedside. Hesitantly she reached over to the nightstand, pulling out the drawer, examining its meager contents. A deck of cards, and empty cigarette pack, some spare change, a casino chip, and what looked like an upside down photo. Flipping it over, she couldn’t help but smile and the semi blurred image. She remembered the photo, Ed had found an old camera once, and insisted on taking pictures of everything. She had forced Faye into a photo with Spike, and had taken it while running off, causing blurring around the ends of the image.

Setting the photo back in the drawer, she closed it and flipped off the light. Crawling under the covers, she snuggled up to the extra pillow on the bed, drifting off into a restless sleep.

* * *

 

“Sir…excuse me….Sir.”

Slowly opening his eyes, Spike came face to face with an old woman. “What?”

Peering at him over her glasses the woman rested a hand on his shoulder. “Are you ok? I came to catch the bus to see my daughter and found you sleeping on this bench. Do you need some breakfast or something?”

Groaning, Spike cradled his head in his hands, shrugging her hand off his shoulder, fully aware now that it was morning. _I spent all God damn night on this bench._ “Look lady, thanks for your concern, but I am fine.”

Forcing himself to his feet, Spike walked away from the woman, squinting under the early morning sun, his head was pounding, and his mouth was dry. He needed to get back to Doohan’s and soon.

There wasn’t enough water in the world to quench Spike’s thirst. Downing his fifth bottle of the day, Spike turned his attention back to the half rebuilt engine before him, setting down the wrench in his hand, he sighed. This hangover was making it hard to concentrate on work.

“Spike can you come in here for a minute?” He heard Doohan calling from the office.

“Great, just what I needed.” mumbling to himself Spike headed for the office. “What ya need Doohan?”

Lighting a smoke, Doohan motioned to the chair opposite his desk. “Have a seat boy.”

Propping his feet up on the corner of the desk, Spike fished around in the pocket of his coveralls for his cigarettes. Lighting one, he watched Doohan curiously, waiting for him to speak.

“Look I know you’ve been out at the bars, and normally I wouldn’t care what the hell you do, but you’ve been slacking at work, and that I wont put up with. I made work for you because you wanted to be here..”

Spike rolled his eyes, taking a long drag.

“If you’re drinking to forget the woman, its not going to work. You should know that by now.”

Spike exhaled heavily, running a hand through his hair that had almost grown back by now. “So what are you gonna do? Fire me?” He completely ignored the mention of Faye.

Taking another drag, Spike closed his eyes. “When she was hear last…I fucked her on your desk, and then I told her to leave. It was for her own good. I would love another chance to make things right by her, but I can’t do that. It will be better for her not to get mixed up with me.”

Scooting back from the desk a bit, a disgusted look on his face at Spike’s admission, Doohan glared across at Spike. “Jesus! Do you not have any respect for other people’s things?”

“Eh it just kinda happened.”

“I’m sure…You really ought to stop messing with that poor girls emotions. Either be happy with her or let her go.”

Spike rolled his eyes again. “That’s what I am doing. I haven’t contacted her since then, like I said she’s better off without me.”

“You seem pretty damn miserable yourself Spike. How do you know she’s not?”

“Look Doohan, I don’t know why your so damn invested in my love life, but cut the shit out. It’s none of your business what or who I do or don’t do.”

The older man crushed out his cigarette, displeasure easily etched into his weathered features. “Just get your shit together and get back to work.”

Spike rose to his feet slowly, and headed for the door with out a word, kicking over the waste bin and slamming to door on his way out.

 

* * *

 

Four times. That was the number of times Faye had walked around the entire ship so far. Jet had landed the Bebop or Earth a few days ago, Ed was visiting her father once again. Faye was glad the girl was forming some sort of bond with the man, even if it was an odd one, but Earth was the last place she wanted to be. If she had the funds for a hotel room, she would have bailed the second Jet set course. Instead she felt herself grow more listless and irritable with each passing day, she hated knowing she was anywhere remotely close to Spike.

Passing the hangar, she thought she heard Jet talking to someone. Bob probably called him or something. Straining her ears, trying to eavesdrop, Faye frowned as she was too far away to hear anything.

“Faye! You’ve got a visitor!” Jet’s voice made her jump, as she had been concentrating hard on trying to listen in.

Stiffening up, Faye swallowed hard. Who the hell would be here to see me, on Earth of all places…unless its… “Jet, tell Spike I don’t want to see him” she yelled back, walking back the way she had come.

“It’s not Spike.”

Curiosity getting the best of her, Faye made her way toward the hangar, Jet passing her on the way. “He’s in there waiting.”

Slouched against the wall was Doohan, a cigarette between his lips. Faye slowly approached him, she had spoken to him briefly the last time she had seen Spike, despite his gruff looking exterior, Faye had found him to be a nice man. “Hey there.”

Doohan nodded. “Hello Miss Valentine.” he headed out toward the flight deck, Faye following behind him.

“No need to be so formal. You can just call me Faye.”

He smiled warmly, and offered her a cigarette, which she accepted, and he lit for her. “ All right then Faye. I am sure you’re wondering what I am doing here.”

Faye took a drag off her cigarette, and took a seat, leaning against the ship. Waiting for Doohan to continue.

“I’m here to see you about Spike.”

Faye looked over to him, a slight bit of concern of her face, as he took a seat beside her. “Is…Is he ok?”

Doohan nodded. “Yeah he’s just fine. Well for the most part, except for being a love sick fool.”

“I don’t think he knows what love is, but I’ll agree with you on the fool part.” Faye scoffed.

Crossing one leg over the other, Doohan crushed out his smoke on the deck. “ Well ya see, that fool does love you, I can see it on his face when he talks about you. But he’s got this notion that he is going to hurt you, and that he doesn’t deserve to be happy, thinks he is doing you some kinda favor.”

“He did hurt me, twice actually. Maybe he is right, for once, maybe it is better for me this way. I mean, I miss him, and I do love him, but I cant do this anymore, it‘s making me crazy.”

Doohan rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Christ, you sound just like him. Your both too damn stubborn. What‘s the point in denying something that you both want? What would seeing him again hurt? ”

Faye shrugged, eyeing Doohan “What’s it to you anyways?”

Sighing, Doohan lit another smoke. “ I was married once, to a beautiful, kind hearted woman. Nothing in the world has ever made me happier. Shortly after we got married, I opened my shop and soon I was spending more and more time there, working, staying late to tinker with things after hours, totally neglecting her needs and wants. After a while, it was like I was married to my work, and my wife was my mistress. One day I get home from work, and she’s got all her things packed, tells me that she is leaving me. And I just let her go, the one thing that truly made me happy, and I let her walk away without a fight. All because I thought she would be better off without me. I just don’t want to see anyone else do something so foolish, when its all right in front of them.”

Faye looked over at Doohan, speechless for a moment, the old man looked so forlorn and broken at the moment. “That lunkhead really means that much to you?”

Doohan smirked, rising to his feet. “Kinda like the son I never had, and ya know…you’re not so bad yourself. Honestly, I think you’d be good for him.”

Faye dropped her gaze to the deck top. “I’m sorry, but I cant. Doesn’t matter how much we might love each other, we’re just not meant to be.”

“That’s your call, but being afraid to face something head on is a sorry way to live.”

Faye rose to her feet, an indignant look on her face. “I’m not afraid of being with him.” Faye cringed inwardly at how unsure she sounded.

“Whatever you say Faye.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Doohan turned to leave, as he crossed the deck Faye couldn’t help but notice how much his composure looked like Spike’s . Leaning her head against the cold metal of the Bebop’s hull, she sighed heavily. She wasn’t scared of being with Spike, and she surely wasn’t scared of what the out come might be if she just gave in and tried to get through to him. Fuck it. You only live once. “Doohan! Wait!”

The old man turned and looked at her, his eyebrow arched. “Hmm?”

“I’ll do it. I’ll see him.”

His grizzled face twisted into a soft smile. “Good girl, Glad to see one of you has common sense. Tomorrow night at my shop.” With that Doohan walked away, leaving Faye alone.

“What am I getting myself into…” she muttered to herself. She had told herself she didn’t need Spike. That she really was happy without him, that they were no good for one another and never would be. She had almost convinced herself that they were too messed up from past relationships to ever be able to truly be happy together. The more she tried to convince herself of these things, the more she knew they were all lie.


	8. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

“You did what!”

Doohan stood silently smoking a cigarette, while Spike continued his rant, wildly waving around the wrench in his hand as he spoke.

“Why in the hell did you have to go see her?! And then to top it off, you invite her over here to see me! Without even asking me. Jesus…did you even listen to anything I said the other day?”

Doohan shrugged nonchalantly. “Is it really gonna kill ya to see her again?”

Spike threw the wrench at the tool box, scattering a few other tools in the process. “Maybe it will! You want a fucking corpse in your shop old man?“

“Boy, you are being more over dramatic than any woman I have ever met.”

“So what? You think you know what’s best for me…is that it?”

“Well you sure don’t seem to know, someone’s gotta do it.” Doohan turned and left the room, leaving the still fuming Spike alone with Miles.

“Ya know, maybe he is right Spike. Plus she’s really hot too.”

Spike shot a glare that could kill in Miles direction. “Shut up Miles.” The younger man grabbed his hat off the work bench and made a quick exit.

Lighting a smoke, Spike rubbed his temples and leaned wearily against the counter. His current steady diet of booze, bar floozies, and long sleepless nights were starting to wear on him. Maybe seeing Faye wouldn’t be so bad after all. If nothing else, he supposed that he did owe her an explanation.

* * *

 

Faye sighed heavily, as she stared at the front door of Doohan’s shop. It felt like she had been standing there for hours, trying to talk herself into going in. _Come on, you can do this. It’s just Spike for god sake._ Pushing the heavy metal door open, she cautiously looked around. “Hello?” she was amazed at how small her voice sounded as it echoed off the walls.

Walking into the shop, she stopped in her tracks. The lights were dimmed low, in the middle of the room, sat a table, with a candle burning in the middle, two plates of spaghetti sat out, as well as a couple of beers. Beside the table, in all his lanky glory stood Spike, a cigarette lazily resting between his lips. “Hey.”

Smiling faintly, Faye entered the room further, stopping beside the table. “Hey yourself.” The room suddenly felt way to small, and even across the table Spike felt too close. The silence that fell over the room was almost deafening, as Faye licked her dry lips, studying Spikes face.

Spike stared back, smoke trailing in thin wisps between his lips as the cigarette hung limply. Quickly he moved, and in one swift motion he crossed the table, pulling the chair out for her. “Have a seat my dear.” He winked playfully as she sat, and he pushed her chair in, taking the seat across from her.

“Thanks” Looking to the plate of spaghetti before her, Faye picked up her fork, poking at it, her stomach growled slightly. “Where’d this come from?”

“Cooked it myself, there’s a kitchen in the back.” Spike flashed her a knowing grin. “I would have taken you out…but I’m kinda broke.”

“It’s ok.” Faye looked around the shop and back to the table. “It’s ok, this is nice.”

Shoving a big bite in his mouth, Spike smirked around the food, and motioned across to her, talking with his mouth full. “Go on, eat it.”

Twirling the noodles around the fork, and ignoring Spike’s table manners, Faye took a bite, chewing slowly. She had to admit it was pretty good. “So I’m not going to die if I eat this, right?”

“Hey I cooked you French toast once, and you seemed to survive that.”

Faye laughed, taking another bite. “I suppose you’re right, and I’ll admit it, just this once, it was pretty damn good.”

Silence fell over the pair once more as they ate, this time however it wasn’t an awkward heavy silence, but rather peaceful and comfortable. As he ate, Spike stole glances across the table at Faye, he had to admit to himself that he really had missed her. “You look really nice.”

Taking a sip of her beer, Faye could feel a faint blush spread across her cheeks, thankful for the dim lighting. “Thanks.” She took another drink. “Your hair grew back.” she stated matter of factly.

Once more the silence settled back over them. Neither one wanting to be the one to bring up the inevitable topic that needed to be addressed. Draining the rest of her beer in close to one swallow, Faye set the bottle down, sighing heavily. “Spike….where do we go from here?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Spike took a long drink from his own beer, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t know…but not around in this circle. It’s really getting us no where.”

“What do you want Spike?”

He thought about her question for a moment. What did he want? Well that was easy, he knew the answer, but getting there seemed to be the hard part. “What do you want?”

Faye sighed. “Damn it, don’t throw my question back at me like that. Just answer me.”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers, Spike finally made eye contact with Faye, and knew the answer to her question instantly. “You. I want you. But I am no good at this. How the hell can I be with you when I am shackled to a dead woman, that I am terrified that I will forget?”

Faye thought his question over, picking apart her answer in her head before speaking. “ You learn to let go. Simple as that. That’s all you can do. You don’t have to be afraid of it, and you don’t have to do it alone. I know you think it is easier just to distance yourself from me, but if you would just open your eyes, you’d see I have been here all along.”

He knew she was right. “And what about Julia?”

“Spike…I would never ask you to forget about her. I know that you loved her. But you have to see where I am coming from, I don’t want to be a stand in for her. And I wont.”

He couldn’t blame her. In his mind Spike knew the two women were almost as opposite as could be, yet the similarities he could draw between them when it came to his heart, were uncanny. “You’re not. You aren’t a stand in, you could never be like her.”

At his words, Faye felt numb. She could feel the burning of tears forming in her eyes as she stared blankly across the table at him, she blinked hard, trying to will them away. “Spike…”

Taking a deep breath, Spike hung his head, before turning his gaze back to her. He knew as soon as he uttered the words how wrong they had come out. “ Wait…that’s not how I meant that to come out…I mean you could never be like her, but that’s what I like the most about you.” He was grateful that he had forced his words out before she fully had a chance to react.

“ Julia, she was so delicate, and quiet, passive…and you’re so damn loud, and reckless, and fiery….and I wouldn’t want you to be any other way. Shit…I am no good at this, but Faye, you see that’s why I love you, simply because you are you.”

Faye was a bit shocked to get such a full admission of love from the man across from her. “I love you too lunkhead.” A faint smile spread across her face.

Reaching behind her neck, she undid the necklace that had belonged to her mother that she had taken to wearing. Removing her fathers ring from it, she set it on the table, placing the chain back around her neck. Twirling the silver band between her fingers, she shifted her gaze back to Spike. Reaching across the table, she grabbed his right hand, slipping the ring on his finger.

“I thought this would fit. The ring belonged to my father, but I want you to have it. If you ever feel alone, just remember that I love you. Spike I know we have some things to work out, but I am willing to wait for you. But I can’t wait forever.”

Spike flashed her a weak smile, his gaze falling to the table top and his hand, looking the ring over. He was surprised how much more sure that made him feel. “Faye, you are one hell of a woman, and some day you are going to make some man incredibly happy... But…”

The fleeting moment of happiness was soon replaced with the familiar dull ache in her chest that Faye had grown accustom to when she was around Spike. Letting her eyes fall to the table top, she blinked away the tears that threatened to fall once more.

Pushing her chair away from the table she rose to her feet, preparing to leave. She didn’t need to hear any more from him.

Shooting a quick glance at Spike she forced a smile. “ I get it.” With that she headed quickly out of the room, she needed to get out of this place, and in a hurry.

Staring at the empty chair across from him in confusion, Spike scratched the back of his neck. “Huh?” She hadn’t even let him finish his sentence. It suddenly dawned on him that she was really leaving, getting up quickly, he followed after her. “Faye! Wait up!”

Upon hearing Spike following her, Faye stopped, just outside the door. The night air was chilly, and the sky was peppered with tons of stars, despite the ugly feelings tearing at her mind, the night was beautiful. Quickly swiping a hand across her eyes, Faye turned to face Spike who was now behind her, hands on her hips. “What! What could you possibly have left to say?”

Raising his hands in mock defense, Spike took a step back, a crooked grin on his face. “Woah, easy…You didn’t even let me finish what I had to say in there.”

Dropping her hands to her sides, Faye also dropped her gaze, wary of what else he might have to say to her, the last thing she wanted was for her eyes to betray the front she was trying to put up.

Closing in on her, Spike gently ran his finger tips down the side of her face to her chin, forcing her to look at him. “I said you are one hell of a woman, and some day you are going to make some man incredibly happy…but you see I want to be that man.”

A smile slowly worked its way across her face, as Faye felt one of those damned tears slide down her cheek. Wrapping her arms around Spike she buried her face against his chest, wiping her face on his shirt. “Damn it, why didn’t you just say that to begin with?”

Returning her embrace, he kissed the top of her head, smirking against her hair. “I tried to, you just wouldn’t let me finish.”

They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Both just enjoying the closeness that they had been denying themselves for what felt like a lifetime. Faye turned in his arms, her back now against his chest, his hands coming to rest around her waist now.

“Do you think we can work this out?” She felt his chuckle reverberate against her back at her question.

“Well I think you and I might be the two most stubborn shits in this solar system, so yeah. I think we’ve got a shot.”

She smiled at his answer as Spike pulled her closer, Faye leaned back into him, turning her gaze to the stars scattered across the dark sky. “It’s a really pretty night.”

“Mm hmm” Spike let his hands slide down to her hips, tightening his grip slightly. His lips brushed against the side of her neck, and he smiled against her skin as she tilted her head back farther.

Faye had a love hate relationship with the way her body responded to the simplest attention from the man behind her. She bit her lip as she felt his lips trail up her neck, along her jaw line and to her ear, his breath hot against her skin.

“Stay with me tonight Faye.” Spike had never wanted her more, maybe they had simply spent to much time apart. Here she was doing nothing, but being close to him, and it was still driving him crazy. Gripping her hips a little harder, he pulled her back against him tightly, not at all ashamed of the fact that he was very much aroused.

Involuntarily gasping slightly, Faye felt her face flush at the feel of him pressed against her backside. His request was so tempting, though she knew that if they were going to work things out, jumping right back into bed with him was not going to help anything. She felt his hand on her thigh, creeping its way up the skirt she was wearing. Saying no was going to be a lot harder than she had anticipated just moments earlier.

Grabbing his forearm, she pulled his hand away, and turned in his arms, opting to press her lips to his in a gentle yet passionate kiss instead of answering his request. Slowly pulling away, she broke from his embrace, leaving Spike looking perplexed.

She flashed him a sly smile. “Easy cowboy.” Her smile morphed into one much more seductive as she moved back in, kissing him softly. “You should know I am worth the wait.”

His own face slightly flushed, Spike smirked. “Oh trust me, I know.” He was caught off guard when Faye wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, in a move almost so seemingly innocent that he all but forgot his previous intentions.

“I’ll see you soon ok?”

Spike caught her hand as she pulled away, giving it a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “Yeah, soon.”

“Have a good night Spike.”

He waved as she headed off. “You too, get home safe.”

As Faye disappeared out of sight, Spike lit a cigarette and leaned against the doorway of the shop, a crooked grin etched on his face. Doohan had been right, seeing Faye hadn’t killed him. In fact it was almost the opposite, he felt very much alive. It was the first time in a long time that he had felt hopeful about something.


	9. Heads Will Roll

Fields of stone and marble bathed in sunlight stretched as far as the eye could see. Running his long fingers across each one he passed, Spike scanned for the headstone he sought out. It felt like it had been a life time since he had last been here in Tharsis, though it had only been a little over a year.

The memory itself was a painful one, and was the very reason that brought him here. Squinting under the bright sunlight, Spike couldn’t help but marvel at the fact that he had never seen the sunshine in this cemetery in the few times he had been there.

Mismatched brown eyes finally found what they were looking for. Checking the dates on the headstone, he hung his head and sighed. _Julia_. Tracing his fingers along the etching on the stone, he couldn’t help but wonder who had paid for it, who had her laid to rest here. Settling down on the ground next to the stone he realized he didn’t care, he was just glad someone had, he had left her laying there on the ground after saying his goodbyes.

Lighting a cigarette, he leaned heavily against the stone. “ I miss you like hell. Just thought you should know that.”

Taking a long drag, and exhaling on a large cloud of smoke he continued. “Vicious is dead…I killed him. He tried to kill me. Guess I am too fucking stubborn to roll over and die, but he did a number on me. I’m still bounty hunting…but I guess I am sorta taking a sabbatical. I’m goofing around with aero mechanics right now. Can you imagine that? Me making an honest living.” He chuckled dryly.

Finishing his cigarette, he crushed it out in the grass beside the grave, pocketing the butt, not wanting to disrespect the dead. His eyes fell to Faye’s father’s ring still on his finger, he smiled faintly. “I hope whatever waits for us after this life is good to you. I want you to know that I love you, that a part of me will always love you, but that I need to let you go. Its nothing personal…but I want to be happy. You see….there is this woman…well you know her, kinda. You met Faye, and I hope you liked her, cuz you see I do, well, actually I love her.”

Leaning his head against the stone, Spike could feel his eyes burn with unshed tears. “I want to be happy damn it. What we had Julia, I wouldn’t take it back, but I can’t keep holding on to something that wasn’t that real to begin with, and can’t be anymore. I’m sorry, I really am…but I can’t keep holding on to what you and I didn’t have. It’s stopping me from moving on.”

Pressing his lips against the name on the stone, he slowly pulled back. “ I’ll always love you Julia, but I need to let you go. Rest in peace.”

Slowly rising to his feet, he brushed the dead grass off his pants, and lit a cigarette, slowly turning away from the grave, and his past.

 

* * *

 

It had been 43829 minutes, 2,592,000 seconds, 30 days, or for normal people, one month; It wasn’t like Faye was counting or anything. That is how long it had been since she had last seen Spike. After two unanswered calls to him, she had all but given up on patching things up between them. If he wasn’t going to give a fuck, then it was time that she tried to stop.

Laying down on her bed, Faye closed her eyes, trying to think of anything but that lanky bastard. Blue laid curled up at her side, kneading his paws as he happily purred. She had just started to doze off when her communicator rang, startling her awake. Fumbling for it, she answered, sleep evident in her voice. “H…Hello?”

“Hey! Faye! Woah! That rhymed!”

Flipping on her bedside lamp, Faye squinted under the assaulting light. “Spike? Do you know what time it is?”

“Nooo…what time is it? I don’t even know where I am.”

Leaning her head back against the wall, Faye took a deep breath, the slurring of Spike’s voice was a dead give away that he was drunk. “it’s a little after 11...Wait. Do you really not know where you are?” she hoped she hadn’t sounded too concerned, though in his drunken state, she was sure he wouldn’t have noticed.

“It’s sandy here….I took a Jeep…I’ve been drinking.”

“No shit.” Rolling her eyes, Faye sighed. “Look Spike…just stay where you are ok? We’re still docked on Earth, just leave you’re communicator on…I’ll track your call…I’ll be there soon ok?”

“I…I love you…”

Faye hung up instead of replying, dragging herself out of bed, she dressed quickly and headed for the hangar, not even sure why she was going after him in the first place.

* * *

 

Landing the Redtail in the vast desert, Faye scanned the terrain looking for any sign of Spike. It didn’t take long to spot the old beat up Jeep he had commandeered from Doohan. His lanky figure was slumped against the vehicle, a bottle of whiskey cradled in his lap. Exiting the cockpit, she headed toward him, anger and concern meshed on her face.

“Watch your step…I puked over there.”

Scanning the ground and seeing nothing, she stalked toward him, snatching the bottle out of his lap as she came to stand beside him. Examining the contents, she frowned at the small amount left. “Jesus…you are wasted.”

Spike looked at her, his crooked grin even more lop sided. “God damn, you are beautiful.”

Rolling her eyes, Faye ignored his remark, walking around the Jeep, opening the passenger side door to throw the bottle in. Upon opening the door she was greeted by a shower of beer cans. Glancing across the hood she could see Spike sprawled out on the ground making ‘sand angels’. As an after thought, she slammed the door, bringing the bottle back with her, taking a long pull before sitting down on the sandy ground beside the Jeep. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

Spike rolled on his stomach to face her. “I needed to think.”

Taking another drink, Faye arched an eyebrow. “You mean about how you didn’t bother to return my calls?”

Crawling across the sand, Spike sat beside Faye, leaning heavily against the Jeep. “No…well kinda…you see I saw Julia…well her grave…I talked to her…I told her I love you Faye.”

“Oh is that so? And what did she tell you?”

Spike chuckled dryly, playfully pushing her shoulder. “You know she’s dead Faye…she didn’t say anything. But I think I can let her go…she’s dead.”

Taking another drink off the bottle, Faye reached over fishing around in Spike’s pocket for his cigarettes, stealing one and lighting it. “ I know she’s dead Spike…but that hasn’t made anything easier so far. Honestly I am about done with this. I love you more than you probably realize, but this isn’t good for either of us.”

Reaching for the bottle, Spike frowned as Faye slapped his hand away, he settled for a cigarette instead. “That day you left…I saw that pregnancy test in your waste bin.”

“It was negative.” she replied nonchalantly, tensing a bit.

“I know that Faye….but what if it wasn’t?”

“Well…if it wasn’t I don’t know what we would do…that is a scary thought, you and I with a baby…I mean we can barely take care of ourselves.”

Spike leaned his head against hers, his drunken breathing slightly heavy. “I woulda married you…done the right thing…ya know, we woulda been ok.”

Faye laughed at his statement, she couldn’t help it, she felt a bit guilty, but she laughed regardless. “God now I know you are drunk. What the hell would we have done…gotten divorced and remarried a million times until we figured out what we wanted. I am sure that is real healthy for a kid.”

Spike frowned slightly at her statement. “Come on Faye, don’t say shit like that. You know I love you.”

“Do you? Because you seem to have no problem saying it, but when it comes to showing it, you haven’t exactly backed your words up.”

In a quick swift move Spike snatched the bottle from her lap, taking a sloppy swig. Setting the bottle down in the sand, he swiped his hand across his mouth. “Why are you being such a bitch?” His words slurred heavily.

Snatching the bottle back up and setting it in her lap, Faye pushed him away from her. Spike had to steady himself from falling over in his inebriated state. “I’m a bitch? Really? You are going to go there? Why don’t we talk about what an asshole you are?”

Draining the rest of the bottle, she threw it into the vast stretch of sand. “You are the one who decided we were cool after I ran off. Things were fine…until you decided to compare me to you dead ex girlfriend. Then I tried to move on, and you show up out of nowhere and fuck with my head. Then I show up at Doohan’s, you fuck me on his desk like some cheap whore, then tell me to leave. Then I see you again, against my better judgment, and I thought maybe this time things would be different….but no! You cant even be bothered to call me back when I call you. And yet you have the balls to call me a bitch after that?”

Letting her words slowly process, Spike reached behind himself, fumbling with the Jeep door. After much effort, he finally pulled it open, blindly reaching around the floor boards, until his hand hit what he was looking for.

Angrily slamming the door shut, he settle back against it, his Jericho tightly gripped in his hand. Placing the barrel against his forehead, he smirked, turning to Faye. “Care to make a bet my dear?”

Fear worked its way onto Faye’s face, as she watched Spike’s actions. “Wh…What kind of bet?”

It took a moment for him to register the concerned look on Faye’s face. A goofy grin on his face, he lowered the gun. “Oops. Sorry.”

Setting the gun in Faye’s hand, he motioned toward the bottle she had tossed across the sand. “First one to hit it wins. If you hit it, I’ll admit I am an asshole…If I hit it, you accept my apology.”

Running her fingers along the cold metal, Faye arched an eyebrow. She could feel a slight buzz from the whiskey setting in. “I‘ve never shot your gun…this seems like a very unfair wager.”

Spike smirked. “I know. That’s the plan.”

Elbowing Spike hard in the side, Faye raised the pistol. She was surprised at how heavy it felt compared to her Glock. Lining up her shot, she pulled the trigger, cringing a little at the recoil, cursing under her breath as she missed her shot.

Smiling like an idiot, Spike pried the gun from her hands, lining up his own shot, hitting the bottle with ease, despite his current state.

“I’m still not forgiving you Spike. I have no reason too.”

Setting the gun down beside him, Spike nodded, and hung his head, remaining silent for a long while. “Why did you come out here in the first place?”

Faye drew abstract shapes in the sand with one slender finger. “I….I came because despite the asshole that you can be…I love you. With everything you have been through in life, you are still a good man Spike. You are loyal, stubborn, clever, smart, and handsome as hell. You drew me in with something I can’t explain, but I don’t want to explain it or analyze it, because no matter what I love you dummy.”

Reaching over and lacing his fingers with hers, Spike smiled to himself. “You know what?…You confuse the hell out of me most of the time, but I love you too.”

“You’re still wearing the ring?” Faye was a little shocked as she felt the cool metal pressed against her own hand.

“I haven’t taken it off since that day.”

Leaning over, Faye pressed her lips against his in an almost desperate kiss, in the back of her mind she was thankful that all he tasted like was whiskey, given his previous vomiting admission. Pulling back slowly, she gazed into his eyes, still clouded with intoxication. “Apology accepted lunkhead.”

Pressing his forehead against the side of her neck, Spike softly kissed her skin. “Good.”

Running her fingers lightly through his hair, Faye grimaced a little at how sweaty he was, despite the chill in the air. She stifled a yawn, kissing his slightly sweaty forehead instead, the salty aftertaste lingering on her lips.

Giving the hand that he still held onto a gentle squeeze, Spike brought it to his chest, running it down his body, stopping along the front of his pants. “Ya know…I think maybe…”

Faye was quick to cut him off, pulling her hand away from him. “Spike, with how much you drank tonight, I don’t think you could even get it up if you wanted to.”

Spike flopped back on the sand, laughing uncontrollably, choking out his words between bouts of laughter. “You…..You’re….right!” Reaching out a hand, he turned to Faye. “Help me up”

Rising to her feet and dusting herself off, Faye grabbed his hand, bracing herself as he used to pull himself to his feet shakily. Steadying himself against the Jeep for a moment, Spike squinted, his head spinning a little as he stood. “Holy shit…I am drunk”

Shaking her head a little Faye laughed softly. “Told you so.” Opening the Jeep door, she gently shoved Spike toward it. “Come on, we’re going to bed. I don’t think either of us is in shape to be going home.” Faye knew she could make it back to the Bebop, but she didn’t like the idea of leaving Spike out here alone, and the cramped ride in the Redtail with a drunk Spike did not sound all that appealing. Shutting the door after Spike slumped in, Faye went around to the other side, climbing in and shutting the door behind herself.

Leaning back against the door, Spike closed his eyes. “We’re gonna sleep in here?”

Situating herself, Faye leaned back against his chest, closing her eyes. “Yes, and if you have to puke, open the door, because if you throw up on me so help me god I will kill you myself.”

Draping an arm across her body, Spike pulled Faye a little closer. “I don’t think that would be a terrible way to go really.”

Snuggling against him, Faye smiled against his chest. “Shut up and get some sleep Spike.”

Spike’s only reply was a steady stream of snoring. The smile on her face growing wider, Faye laced her fingers with Spike’s, running her finger back and forth over the ring. Maybe this time they had finally figured things out.


	10. One Hundered Percent

The early morning sunshine came pouring through the windows of the old Jeep. Squinting as she slowly opened her eyes, Faye became aware of the fact of how incredibly stuffy it was in the vehicle. “Shit its hot in here.” She leaned forward rolling the window down, hearing Spike mumble something incoherent in the seat beside her. Leaning back against him, she rested her head against his shoulder.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Six thirty.”

Resting his chin on top of her head, he kept his eyes closed. “Too fucking early.” He shifted, trying to readjust his position to stave off the stiffness in his neck. He slumped more against the door, Faye slipping further down his body, her head coming to rest low on his chest. Absentmindedly he stroked her hair.

Smiling, Faye turned a little, slipping her arm around him and burying her face in his chest.. “God you smell like a distillery….I think after you get cleaned up, I’ll take you out for breakfast and…”

Spike cut her off, bringing a finger to her lips. “Shhh…Go back to sleep Faye.”

Closing her eyes, listening to Spike’s heartbeat, and even breathing, Faye felt her eyes grow heavy.” I love you asshole..” Once he started to snore it was game over, the sound was oddly soothing, and soon she was lulled back to sleep.

* * *

 

Sitting in a little booth at a small diner, a freshly showered Spike glanced over the menu in front of him. He looked across to Faye who was intently studying her menu as if it held all the secrets to life. “You know what you’re having yet?”

Looking back and forth between the menu and Spike, Faye arched an eyebrow. “Waffles, and hash browns…oh, and orange juice. What about you?”

Spike flipped through the pages, he was starving, but nothing sounded good, not with a hangover stalking him like a predator stalks its prey. “Dunno.” Reading through his options again, he turned his attention back to Faye. “I’m glad you came back to Doohan’s with me. I thought he was gonna skin me alive for taking that Jeep, but then he let us take it here. Good thing he is sweet on you.”

Chuckling, Faye took a sip of her water as the waitress came to the table. She placed her order and the waitress turned to Spike, who gave the menu one last look over. “Uhh…Pancakes, short stack, hash browns and two eggs over easy…umm and coffee please.” He glanced across at Faye quickly. “Hey do you want coffee?” She nodded her response and Spike turned back to the waitress, “Two cups of coffee.” Taking their menus the waitress headed off to put in the order.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Spike winced slightly. “Damn my neck hurts.”

“Serves you right for getting drunk in the middle of nowhere.”

“Maybe you should have been a good girlfriend and let me use you as a pillow….I don’t see you with a sore neck.”

Faye almost choked on the drink of water she had taken as his words sank in, she swallowed hard. “Girlfriend huh?”

Realizing what he had just said, Spike fell silent for a moment before stumbling over his words. “Well….uhhh…I…I mean ummm…well you see….”

Faye studied his face, amused at how flustered he was getting.  
Spike downed most of his glass of water, and took a deep breath. “Yes…Girlfriend…that is if you want..”

Reaching across the table and setting her hand on top of his, she smiled. “Ya know…I think I like the sound of that.”

A comfortable silence, minus the sound of clanking dishes, and other peoples conversations, settled over them, as the waitress soon came with their food. Spike took a sip of his coffee, and picked at his food, as he looked to Faye, who was wasting no time making quick work of her meal. He chuckled softly. “Good stuff huh?”

Nodding with her mouth full, she swallowed. “Yeah, it really is. Little diners like this always have the best food.”

Taking a bite of his pancakes, Spike couldn’t help but agree. Pancakes weren’t exactly the hardest thing in the world to make, in fact they were very basic, but damn it, these were some of the best he could remember having.

Setting her fork down, Faye watched Spike eat his meal, an amused look on her face. He gave her a quizzical look, setting his own fork down. “What?”

“This is nice…just us spending time together like normal people. I just wanted to make sure I remember it.”

Spike frowned slightly. “Don’t say it like that, makes it sound like we won’t see each other again.”

“Well…we don’t exactly have the best track record so far Spike.”

Taking another drink of his coffee, he sighed. “I want that to change. I want us to…no…I know we will work out.”

Faye nodded slowly. “Come back to the Bebop…come home with me Spike.”

Taking another sip of his coffee, Spike nodded slowly. “I will. I miss that bald headed bastard, and the kid, the damn mutt, even that god forsaken feline we took in”

Faye took a drink of her own coffee raising an eyebrow. “That’s all you miss huh?”

“No, I miss the sex” He grinned wide. “And falling asleep and waking up next to you every morning.”

Faye scoffed. “Way to cover your ass there mister.”

Finishing off his pancakes, Spike spoke around mouthfuls of hash browns. “ I’ll have to let Doohan down easy….old man is gonna be heart broken losing his best employee.”

Laughing, Faye drained her coffee cup. “What about Miles?”

Giving an all knowing and cocky grin, Spike set his fork down. “ Well I know I am the favorite.”

Faye kicked him under the table. “Don’t be a dick. That boy works hard and you know it.”

“Yeah, and I am sure he’s rubbed one out a time or two thinking about you.”

Furrowing her brow, Faye grimaced. “God you are disgusting.”

“You love it.”

“That is besides the point.”

Finishing of his meal, Spike smirked. “Well….I think its about time to get back and break the news.”

 

* * *

 

Outside of Doohan’s shop, Faye looked over the Redtail. Maybe Spike had been right when he said Doohan was sweet on her, he had given the damn thing a tune up while they had been out at breakfast. Through all his grumbling, bitching, and gruff exterior, Doohan really was a good man, much like Spike.

Standing outside the zip craft, Faye leaned against its cockpit, heavily eyeing Spike. “Tell Doohan I said thanks for the tune up ok?”

In response Spike pinned her against the Redtail with an unrelenting kiss. His body pinning hers against the craft. Slowly she pulled away with a grin. “Easy boy…save it till you get home.” Leaving his arms entirely she climbed into the cockpit. “I’ll see you soon, alright?”

Sighing, Spike cracked a half smile. “Ok…fine. Get home safe Faye…I’ll see you soon.” He stepped back as she took off with a cloud of fine sand, than felt almost jagged against his face as he watched her leave.

 

Heading into the shop, he watched from the doorway as Miles fiddled around with something, the Bluesox game blaring in the background. He hated to admit it to himself, but he was going to miss the happy go lucky young man. Silently walking though, he made his way to the back office, there was someone far more important to say goodbye to first.

Leaning against the door jam, Spike watched as Doohan flipped through a stack of invoices, not unlike when he had first come here months ago practically begging for a job. Crossing into the room, Spike plopped down in the chair across from the older man. “You busy?”

Shoving the stack of papers aside, Doohan lit a cigarette, and offered the pack to Spike. “Nah. What’s going on?”

Taking a drag off his smoke, Spike offered a half hearted grin. “ I’m going back home old man.”

“Ah, so you patched things up with that pretty thing.”

Spike smirked. “Yeah I guess you could say that. I belong back on the Bebop with all of them, but especially her.”

Doohan stood from his desk, his steely eyes softer than normal. Spike looked at him questionably before rising to his own feet, meeting him in front of the desk. “I’m gonna miss ya around here boy.”

Spike smirked and placed a hand on Doohan’s shoulder. “I appreciate all that you’ve done for me old man, it really means a lot.”

Doohan pulled him into a rough hug, something that completely caught Spike off guard. “Take care of yourself and that woman, kid. And don’t stay away too long.”

Smiling Spike returned the hug. “I will….and I‘ll make sure we stop in from time to time. Take care of yourself Doohan.” With that he left the office and Doohan behind.

Making his way back to the workshop, Spike watched as Miles tinkered away at his work once more, clearing his throat to get the young man’s attention.

Quickly turning around, Miles set his wrench down, and reached to switch down the volume on the ball game. “You finally came back in. Doohan was pissed that you took that Jeep! I was starting to worry he might kill you.”

Laughing slightly, Spike set a hand on the Miles’ shoulder. “ Yeah I know…but were good now. Look Miles….I’m leaving.”

“You’re going back to that ol’ ship?” Miles’ face held a bit of sadness as he spoke.

“Yeah kid, There’s a lot more waiting in life out there for me, and one hell of a woman.” After a bit of second thought Spike pulled the young man in for a one armed hug.

Patting Spike on the back, Miles pulled away, and took off his Bluesox cap, placing it on Spike’s head. “Well we had some good times. I want you to have this.”

Turning the hat around backwards much the way Miles mostly wore it, Spike smirked. “Thanks kid. And don’t forget to stay in touch.” With that he headed out of the shop and into the sweltering heat outside.

Standing beside the Swordfish, he took one last look at Doohan’s shop. It was a place where he had learned to give himself the time and space to learn what the future could hold for him. For that he would forever be grateful. Starting up the engine, he smiled to himself. He was going back to the Bebop. Back to bounty hunting, back to Jet, back to Ed, back to the dog and cat, and most of all he was going back for the love of a good woman; he was going back for Faye. Above all else, he realized he was going back to a place he belonged, he was going back home.


End file.
